Angus & Julia Stone

Let it be known that prior to listening, I knew nothing, and still consider myself one who knows nothing about Angus and Julia Stone. I don't know whether I should know them for any particular reason, but I get the feeling I should know who Angus and Julia Stone are for some strange reason. Like, he seems like the meek and humble son of a rich oil tycoon and she's like some listless uninterested world traveler who grew up in a small town to two parents who loved her, but who never really put down roots anywhere, so she isn't just a free spirit, she's completely off the grid.

Does any of that make sense?

If you ever get around to listening to this album, start from the beginning and think of nothing. Don't even try assuming you already know what it's going to sound like, just let it sound like what it's going to sound like.

WHAT DOES ANGUS AND JULIA STONE SOUND LIKE BRO?

Look at that album cover right there. You see that? That's what this fucking album sounds like.

See how relaxed and fucking COOL that dude looks? See how he's got a gorgeous woman sitting to his left and he's so fucking cool he's even looking OVER HER SHOULDER?

Angus and Julia Stone sound like the band that only exists in the movies you wish you lived inside of. Super cool fucking dude, super hot and cool fucking lady. A black and white palm tree on the album cover vibe, and I ain't even bullshitting. This shit feels like a fairy tale of indie rock proportions.

Angus and Julia Stone are the top three buttons unbuttoned of indie rock, and it's fucking comfortable as shit. It's like if you were to arrange to see them live (which I'm attempting to do currently) and you got all dressed up for the brocassion and AS you enter the venue your tucked in shirt is magically untucked. Your buttons unbutton. Your hair gets tussled by some invisible force. Somehow fucking aviator sunglasses affix themselves to your now-bearded face. You don't smoke, but holy balls, you now have a smoke behind your left ear. You aren't tattooed above the belt (sinner), but all of a sudden a tattoo tattoos itself to your inner forearm, and it's the tattoo that's sole purpose is to get your genitals fondled by the person of your choosing.

I'm fucking telling you bro, Angus and Julia Stone sound like fucking cool.

It doesn't take long to realize where the power dynamic lies in this duo, but what takes a few spins to detect is how parental Angus is with Julia. It took a good half dozen uninterrupted listens, but it's absolutely gorgeous how this dude lays out the breadcrumbs and she just gobbles them up and it's innocently the most beautiful shit you've heard all year. Harmonies you don't expect into melodies you do, Angus and Julia Stone paint a canvas with such a lazy wrist it's amazing you can even pick up on the gorg they're laying down let alone love it as much as you should.

Granted, Angus remains my hero on this album, but the wisps of Bob Ross happy trees Julia paints are just as appreciated, I just don't think I would fawn over this album as much as I do had Angus not stolen my attention as soon as he did. The undeniable similarity of Angus to the venerable Sean Hayes is so fucking important to the overall sound of Angus and Julia Stone, it's nearly impossible to imagine him accomplishing his mystique without a nod of the handmedown cap towards his folky cohort Hayes.

Together, the duo have every angle of cool covered. Angus and Julia Stone are the quintessential snapshot of the type of people who live on the beach, own only one pair of socks, don't carry keys with them, own a cell phone that's uncharged and sitting in the everything drawer in the kitchen, once went on tour and forgot to pack clothes, are incapable of smelling like anything other than coconuts and comfort, have the metabolism of a carpenter ant, complete crossword puzzles over the course of months and never cross off what they've already solved, wear sunglasses at all hours of the day and it never feels like they're trying to be cool, and most importantly, they make music that's as relaxingly beautiful as it is MAKING ME FEEL SO COMFORTABLY COOL I COULD TAKE OFF MY SHIRT AND SHED ALL INSECURITIES WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING IT.

This self titled album is so incredibly perfect I almost feel like someone lied to me, because I had no idea who these two were, let alone knowing what to expect, and here I am touting them as exactly what I needed when I didn't know I needed it.

You might not know when you'll need this either, but I assure you, buying this as soon as possible isn't just a good move, it might be a good investment if you've ever considered "feeling fucking cool" as being something you might want to experience at some point in the near future.

Angus and Julia Stone, I want to hug the fuck out of both of you, then hang around behind you while I overhear you tell people stories about that one time in Bali.

SO DAMN PERF.

SO DAMN COMF.

Just to document a few moments where I felt like taking my pants off in traffic:

• 2:28 on "Main Street": You couldn't pay me to keep my clothes on right now.
• The entire song "A Heartbreak"
• The snare at 0:16 on "Grizzly Bear" and again when I realized Angus was singing to ME bro. ME BRO. ME. BRO.
• The entire song "Heart Beats Slow". I don't know how I've lived this long with hugging myself this sensually bro, fuck.
• The last chorus on "Wherever You Are", where I TOTALLY FEEL LIKE I SHOULDN'T BE IN THE ROOM WHILE THESE TWO ARE HAVING THIS TOTALLY DEEP CONVERSATION BRO.
• The entire song "Get Home", and then each time I listen to it I breathe all heavy and fan myself like I'm a woman in menopause who just orgasmed from the vocals coming in at 0:35. 

Ok fuck you, go buy this and tell me you ain't agreed with me and then come up with WAY more creepy sexual shit bro.

Why hide anything?