Cas One + Figure

Something has to be said for being a fan of someone by merely appreciating how genuine that someone seems on the internet.

For the first six or seven years that I knew Cas One on the internet, dude seemed eerily similar to me. The exceptions of course being his cute ass accent, his lack of visible love handles, and his blatant talents out of his front face rap hole, but this dude Cas One has impressed me, and he's done it without annoying me. 

Why does any of this matter? 

It matters because I'm not alone in pulling for Cas One, musician or not. 

I honestly love this dude first and foremost. If he was into pop country I would probably buy his latest pop country album based solely on him being passionate about all of his pop country and barbecue stains on his white shirts, and his sexy tractor, and his butterfly kisses bro. If he went to flea markets and bought boxes and boxes of antique and rusty doorknobs and then took, filtered, and shared pictures of them on Instagram with specialized doorknob pun hashtags, I would double tap bro. Go on and do you Cas One. Do you.

But alas, Cas is a rapper dad who still wears cargo shorts (because admit it, having all of this baggage means you have things you need at the ready and on your person bro), still works a full time job, still beats himself up about being a better dad, still polishes his furniture with lemon scented Pledge, and is pretty honest in adoring the members of the record label he all of a sudden finds himself on in Strange Famous Records. If you don't like him, you're either jealous of him, you're a dick, or you're a jealous dick. 

So Cas One's latest is Cas One + Figure's So Our Egos Don't Kill Us. It's angry, it's dark, it's head noddy, it's got a laundry list of guest spots from artists I already own solo albums from, it's actually one of the best rap albums I've listened to all spring into summer. 

Having no personal experience with Figure, I was instantly impressed with dude's beats, as everything I've read about him says he's an EDM bro, but his booms and his baps deserve daps and I happen to have a dad bag full of assorted Backyardigan themed daps right here guys. I think the only negative thing I can say about Figure isn't about his production or his wicky skills, but rather about his relationship with Cas One, as I am super jells over their rap bromance. I wish I had a rap bromance like this. This is such bullshit, I mean, I can be rap dad cute like Cas One, where the fuck is my Figure friend?

So yeah, rap album.

Opening track "Walking Into the Cult" is a perfect rap album kick off, as it's dank and energetic, and this song alone makes me feel like the next forty five minutes are going to murder. Without overwhelming the listener with noise, it uses the intensity of the vocals and a stark backing to make the entire track sound like one crisp ass growl.

Obvious radio single, "Staying Gold", has that Outsiders meets Warriors-type creep shit down perfectly. The pulsating synth and digital cricket shits make the snare pop like a fork hitting an empty plate once piled high with them yummy ass meatballs at IKEA bruv. This that suburban rap shit man, we ain't afraid to use coupons bitch. Yea I need a diff duvet cover every season, whut?

"Burn It Down" sounds like a track Doomtree and Strange Famous Records could get up on, and while a man can dream, B. Dolan is fucking incredible. I can tell dude raps on his toes, because I'm fucking wiping my brow while blown back on my backackackackack. Fucking awesome. Dude said "yucky" and I was like 'yeaaaaaa yucky bruv!!!'.

"Murder Media" highlights one of the facets of Cas One's rap persona that I've come to appreciate, which is his adorable ass rap accent. Cas isn't hiding it, Cas isn't trying to highlight it, it's just dripping all over out dude's rap hole mouth. If you haven't noticed it, you're cute too. Bet.

The rusty twang of "Razor Blade Mark" and it's perfectly lyrically sketched protagonist reminds me of the small town assholes with reputations that precede them. Most small towns have a few Marks known to most people who prefer to be able to return home after a night out without being a victim of theft or violence at the hand of a Mark, and we all know how to avoid them, but I've never heard a song so succinctly describe these pieces of shit. If you yourself sound like a Mark, do your best to turn that shit around because you are a piece of shit. Cas One must have direct experience with these shitstains pretty consistently to be able to paint such a perfect asshole.

Use this in your PR Cas: "Cas One paints a perfect asshole". YOU'RE WELCOME BISH.

The drums on "Madness" are some of my favorite drums to have ever drummed on anything containing drums. Paired with the scratches, the guitar thwap, and the throat of Bitter Stephens, I'd put this in my top three Cas tracks easy. Fucking perfect. 

"Times Out" is an incredible fucking instro, and if I wanted to be a total Mark I would say it's the best song on this album because Cas One isn't on it, but I'm not going to say that because it's too easy. Even if it's true it's still so rude bro. Ew. DOPE TRACK THO FIGURE. CALL ME. LET'S GET A BAGEL.

Probably the most excited I've been listening to any rap song from 2017 so far has been on "Time Bomb". Holy perfect fucking Sage Francisness. When the Hope album dropped back in like 2003 or whatever, I was super Sage franboy. When I stood next to Sage at Scribble Jam in 2004 I was a pile of giddy suburban fanboy. I know Cas One shares this same sense of HOLY BALLS I AM STANDING NEXT TO SAGE FRANCIS because he raps like he can't believe he's rapping where he's rapping. And that shit's inspiring. 

Cas One being on Strange Famous Records and being visibly over the moon about it makes me realize that I'm genuinely happy that rap fairy tales come true, and they knock pretty fucking hard.

The last track I want to suck off is "The Shut Down", which contains the most evil synth riff I've gotten goosies off of in the last few years. Holy shit this song is mean. When the beat drops after the first chorus into that muffled sawtooth or whatthefuckever it is, I take both hands off the wheel and do push ups in the sky I get so hype.

I fucking love how So Our Egos Don't Kill Us turned out, but even more so, I love how Cas One has turned out as a human because I love being a fan of his and I wish him all the best in the future and I'm still pissed he doesn't show up for cookouts once in a while because he's a dick.

We should all buy this, so he makes more. But also so he gets super duper anxiety about his success and then can't create anything new because he's afraid of the writer's block that always seems to accompany self imposed pressure brought on by strangers telling you you're awesome.

I'm no stranger to Cas One, and there's a masturbation joke in there somewhere. Maybe on his next album Cas One will be able to go full stranger.