Kejnu

Kejnu holds a special place in the syffal sternum bros. They were one of the first bands as a syffaler that I contacted and said “You don’t know who I am, but I found your music, and I want to tell you it is fucking amazing and I want to thank you for existing”, which then led to an album review, an interview, but then an awkwardly awesome friendship that's been stretching thousands of miles was erected, and it's still quite erect.

These fuckers live in some bork country in the middle of borkistan, sure, but to them I live in the middle of the great devil on the corner of standard american diet and big pharma, right down the street from entitlement high school and honey boo boo.

Everything is relative when we’re talking about living life as life living livers, but people are people are people, and music bro? MUSIC MAKES SOMEONE WHO LIVES IN ANOTHER COUNRY YOUR NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR, BECAUSE MUSIC.

Kenju are the next door neighbor of mine where I’m not afraid of letting my kids go into their backyard to snag a lost ball without asking permission, and I voluntarily retrieve their mail while they’re out on tour. These muthafuckers don’t understand the celebration of American Halloween, but on the feast of St. Nicholas? THERE IS JUST CANDY IN EVERY HOLE BRO. THANKS UNCLE KEJNU!

Kejnu first entered my holes as an amateur approach to an all inclusive Radiohead-vibe but in this playfully eerie ‘there’s spilled red wine all over my bedspread’ type lens. It was powerful, but in the way that the opening credits of a movie are powerful. It was all brooding and suspicious foreshadowing and a deliciously sinister potential. It was the introduction into one of my favorite bands, and I’m a diehard to this fucking day. Ask to see my Kejnu tattoo and you'll be erotically surprised bro.

Fast forward a few more years and here comes fucking Kejnu dropping a TWO DISC ALBUM titled Centillion, and it’s everything I had hoped their sound would mature into, but holy balls on a decorative cornucopia filled with imitation yet lifelike fruits and gourds, it’s just as fucking enjoyably creepy.

Kejnu have had this off-putting style since I’ve been listening to them, sure, but the first four tracks off of this double d, they’re just fucking fantastic first off, but I can’t get over how insanely perfect, wait no, how Kejnu they sound now. If I Have No Arms and No Legs (their first album) was sort of foggy or unclear as to where their Kenju-sound was headed, Centillion is the target they’d laid out back in 2010, not to mention a full on fucking feast to celebrate the arrival at SOUNDING LIKE KEJNU bro.

However they reached this particular point in their progression as a band, I’m fucking thankful. The dainty vocal strung taut over a sinister, yet whimsical soundtrack not only makes listening to them one where you can tilt your head back and shut your eyes with that creepy smile on your face, but holy shit can the dark clouds these fuckers turn into sound mask even the brightest sunshine to avoid having to squint.

We all know squinting is for bitches. Prevent squinting bros, go KEJNU.

I just wrote them a sinformercial bros.

One of the things I’ve gathered from sucking off Centillion for the past month is that Kejnu’s instrumental manipulations are borderline hypnotic most of the time, yes, but DUDE ON SOME OF THESE TRACKS, AFTER LIKE THE 3 MINUTE MARK, THEY JUST TAKE THE HELL OFF.

Take the track "November" for instance, at 3:12 and onward, you’re off. There is no touching your feet to the ground. There is no closing your eyes. There is no thinking but feeling, and no feeling but HOLY HELL I NEVER WANT THIS FEELING I AM FEELING TO END MAKING ME FEEL LIKE HOW I’M FEELING.

Kejnu have cemented their position in my list of favorite bands of all fucking time that no one knows about (yet) at the fucking top (along with There Will Be Fireworks), and I’ve been praying to Kim Jong Il that they’ll perform in Chicago at some point. Yes I could die happy having seen them perform in front of me, but most importantly, I could hug these fuckers and thank them in person for creating music that resonates so fucking deep with me.

In case you needed a quick shortlist of songs I could die to, please to peep:

• Egocentrix
• Boxus Hood
• Stormy Eyes
• Taciturn
• November
• Host
• Mountaineers (DEH NEH, NEE-NEE NEHHHHH)
• Inner Outer
• The Reaper Fears You

OK Fuck IT, BOTH ALBUMS ARE fucking STELLAR AND INTROSPECTIVE EXAMPLES OF WHAT I HAVE ALWAYS LOOKED FOR IN MUSIC, JUST BUY THIS BRO.