The Static Tones

Last time you heard me screaming at you about The Static Tones it was when I stumbled across an EP they had put out. I was fully aroused and it lasted more than four hours. It lasted until now. The full album is here bros. I finally came.

Brotherhood Of Strangers is everything I had hoped it would be from this affable band of shit lips. Everywhere I wanted it to go, it went, like it studied my porn search history. A musical Don Juan that seduced me and explored my sexual fantasies with every ounce of distortion and sustain. I'm thrusting at you beloved. I'm thrusting with everything I have.

The Static Tones are a giant sack of loud. A big sound that kicks your nuts through your Adam's apple. The record wastes little time getting through the intro before it blasts you in the face with noise sauce. They have a full on rock and roll steez that never stops ripping at you until you are naked and sweating. Ringing feedback that cleans the shit out of your ears and allows you to hear what you have been missing in your life.

Tracks like, Black Lung, come at you with non-stop guitar riffs. It is very reminiscent of a time when rock didn't suck. The vocals are gritty and then the whole crew comes in screaming. The tracks speed up and slow down. It's a rollercoaster that you hope never ends and you are for sure vomiting on yourself for the duration. With song titles like Greed Ghoul and Old Testament Vengeance you get exactly what you would expect. Diseased is a great fucking song. A real fucking love story. I mean, if she doesn't love you after you yell "I'm sorry I'm diseased!" at her then it will never truly work out.

Death On High Heels stands out to me as the best song on the album. It's hard and catchy and really defines everything that I feel when I think about The Static Tones. I just want to splice together a gif of my Uncle Jim dancing and make a music video of just that. Three and a half minutes of Uncle Jim getting down to this track. Believe me, that would kill the game.

The Static Tones nailed their first full length album. Their potential is deeper than the crevice of Tom's chin and Joel's belly button combined. That is hella deep bros. Hella deep. If you aren't checking for them you are for sure wrecking yaself. Don't wreck yaself, and don't make me wreck yaself for you. Get on board and peep the record Brotherhood Of Strangers.