White Denim
Stiff
If you asked me to tell you what album this year has given me the most "er" for my "bone", it wouldn't be that electro album I've been dancing for my wife to, and it wouldn't be that rap album with all them guest spots that still gives me chub to think back on.
No, the largest "ection" of my "er" comes from the band White Denim, and while I have lazily attempted to reference my genitals in the first few words of this here review, I am here to tell you that that was intentional, because their new album is titled Stiff...
...Which is applicable, because of all the blood rushing to my southbound train.
Ok, enough dick guys. ENOUGH DICK!
The new White Denim album is the most enjoyably fucking abrasive shuffle hustle rock and roll I have heard all year. This album carries a leather mustard yellow fucking handbag, and it's so fucking manly in execution, it'll look you straight in the eyes and tell you that this man purse is European and you'll stop on the way home and check out the local selection of European manbags regardless of the fact that the sign says PURSE.
Kinda sorta stealing vibez from The Who, KISS, and 70s crime dramas but where the people are about to straight up BONE or fucking beat the shit out of each other, the soundtrack-like qualities that Stiff has inserted into my side faceholes is so fucking appreciated, I'm now wearing aviator sunglasses and sketching plans for a full grown mustache above my main front facehole.
If you are in the market for something that is both intricate in its musicality, and super fucking duper in its "how it makes me feel bro", I should inform you that you should look no fucking further than White Denim's Stiff.
Yes, I'm writing an entire review based solely on sentences I would giggle at seeing printed on the sticker on the front of a piece of White Denim vinyl, but trust me when I say, I have nothing else going for me so that is definitely the end goal of these here words bro.
My White Denim addiction is strong, and the guitar work on the album titled D seemed impossible to top. But dey did doe, dey did frealdoe. The complexities of these songs, in both speed and the necessary dexterity, are matched only in the songs' ability to stick in your brain and improve the day around you. Seriously, the glee with which I hit repeat on this fucking album is so god damn fucking catchy, people are complaining that I'm actually TOO fucking cool to hang out with. And thus explains why no one wants to be around me. I'm too fucking into this gal'darn album to care that I'm walking like a wild and crazy guy about to seize up and froth from the front faceholes as well as the side faceholes, where froth does not usually flow bro.
Featuring NINE PERFECT SONGS of road music, I'll warn you to watch the strikes to your steering wheel, but I'll encourage you to walk with a hitch in your giddyup because you WILL bruise from all the lap slapping Stiff be dolin' out. Stiff is like listening to someone else play Guitar Hero it's so fucking GO GO GO GO GO GO, but when you stop caring what you look like while listening to it, it's fucking the JAAAAAMS.
Yes, I'm excited this album exists.
Yes, I want you to buy it.
Yes, I don't care that people hate me because of my choice of ceremonial dress.
No, I'm not on medication.
BUY THIS NOOOOOOOOOOOOW..............................