Our Interview with Sole

Sole continues to march to the beat of his own organic, locally grown, vegan soy patty. While some Fucks use a red beard and an audience to merely listen to themselves talk, Sole is as much a part of his own audience as the people (like me) who cry tears of semen when he walks in the room. He also gets more shit done in a half hour than most rappers get done in an entire season of The Wire.

What I didn't know about Sole before this interview, was that he's almost disgustingly human, he doesn't have a chip on his shoulder and that if he did have a chip on his shoulder, more than likely he either made it himself in his mountain top bakery, or bartered some of his homemade oxygen tofu empanadas for it at a farmer's market.

While we sat indian style outside his favorite naan eatery on the outskirts of Gunsmoke, Colorado, Sole filled me in on many a topic, including, but not limited to: his patented brand of space camp themed cod pieces, his penchant for looking like a pirate, his addiction to running numbers for the Russian mob, and the fact that he is the creator, director and script writer for the children's show Dino Dan (Fuck dino dan).

Join SYFFAL as we secretly replace Sole's morning vegan coffee with Tim "rap quit me, I didn't quit rap" Baker's daily animal grease smoothies...

SYFFAL: I've read many articles regarding your thoughts on the budget crisis. Your essay on the potential changes proposed by the Senator from Applebee's was inspiring. What are the names of your toes?

Sole: my toes are named, young lemur, osama, pontius pyro, agave bitch, half white, marduk, sedona x, pomegranete wine, stalin, bill.

SYFFAL: Ever since your first record was released in the early 70's, people have been calling you a trendsetter. Do you have any explanation as to why the pasty skin hasn't caught on with the hip hop crowds mores?

Sole: for every tower i build i knock down 3. for every seed i have planted i have shit where someone has eaten. for every life i have ruined, a nation was born. i have sold my self short by not selling myself right. now the priziest horse is putting it all on the market, mad cow and all.

SYFFAL: Is it true that you were the first hip hopper sponsored by Birkenstock?

Sole: I think mi phi mi was the first... in fact i had no contact with them, i was poor and had really bad athletes foot so my father mailed me used berkenstocks one summer, it caught on and i decided i liked open feet better than closed.

SYFFAL: When did you decide that you weren't going into the priesthood? And was this decision influenced by you being under the influence?

Sole: well its funny you ask, my father was a jesuit missionary who used to always go to foreign countries, when he came back with hepetitis B and when the vaccinations didn't take i decided there was no god after all. instead of going to sunday school i started listening to BWP, NWA, and shit like that, started a gang called SA MOBB. rest was history.

SYFFAL: You rap lots. What is your secret to not using the same words in songs?

Sole: I use the word abyss a lot. there are lots of words i re-use. kill, death etc. but i think because i read a lot, sometimes i write down words i dont use enough, like "oh i like that word im gonna use that..." sometimes i use a thesuarus, even a rhyming dictionary... i dont give a Fuck... if it sounds cool and it works i'll swag it up.

SYFFAL: What rhymes with "ginger"?

Sole: finger, stranger, winter, wigger, trigger, manger, language, rancid, flange, manager, the revengers, avenger, housing lender, tender, toilet paper, narcisitic whispers, aunt linda, petagram fister, pistol whipper, pendulum swinger, winner, hinder, the dude from heroes: mohinder, middleman throat slitter, climidia, plunder, binger, seitan dealer, mealy worm breeder.

SYFFAL: You're Reading Rainbow smart brah. Let's say me and you go on the road together. We can't bring any clothes besides the ones on our backs, which Starter jacket do you bring?

Sole: Portland Maine Sea Dogs.

SYFFAL: Is there any truth to the rumor I just made up that you were the last rapper to still rock Hypercolor gear?

Sole: I certainly owned hyper color gear and that could actually be true, because most people who started rapping and were doing it when i was doing it are irrelevant right now and you cant call them rappers anymore... so this could actually be true.

SYFFAL: As you've noticed, I'm obsessed with your contributions to the fashion scene within the slam poetry community. What is your problem with "an honest pay for an honest day's work"?

Sole: well if work was honest then the people who worked the hardest would make the most money. since its not, i'd rather work smart. i've tried to be an employee, lord knows. the last job i had i thought i was doing landscaping but ended up cleaning up shit from the sons of chinese barons at a boarding school in sedona, luckily me and my bandmates stayed drunk and stoned the whole time. before that i was a cab driver, i almost got in a few fights for kicking people out of the car, once someone tried to pay me with meth, when i made a joke about it over the CB no one thought it was funny, cuz apparently "all cab drivers are meth heads." i dont have anything against honest work, there just isnt any of it around so i'd rather spam the internet and click refresh on my paypal.

SYFFAL: There is no question you're extremely talented and charismatic, list your top 5 spices in reverse alphabetical order.

Sole:

• 9-11
• habenero sugar
• berbere
• cajun blend
• basil

SYFFAL: Tell the nice people when you knew we were going to best friendsies?

Sole: when my homey john from media@fakefourinc told me you were a fucking psycho. So i knew we'd get along.

SYFFAL: Did you lie to Ceschi? Pretty sure he would be crushed if he found outs about us.

Sole: If I didn't lie to ceschi he never would have signed me to fake four.

SYFFAL: Out of every cheese available on Ameican cheese shelves of cheese, which is your favorite to pair with a delicious light-bodied reisling? You are a scholar, a gentleman, a professional beekeeper and a graphic novelist specializing in Chinese Noir.

Sole: I didn't get into wine until i was vegan, unfortunately. there is this round cheese that the band always gets in europe and i have to watch them eat it while im fucking starving nibbling on a baguette and an olive pounding emergen-C. i think its called "damn this is really good, too bad you're vegan and the openers ate all the hummace"

SYFFAL: Word association time:

• Yo Gabba Gabba: charles manson
• Stained glass minnows: dollar bill sushi
• Shaving cream cheese: life is good
• Butter up that bacon boy: i wish there was a decent vegan pastrami
• Hey, why is the floor wet?: yorkshire terrier
• Alaska from Hangar 18's 4th chin: is dissing me
• Adeem grew 6 inches last year: E.T. dead by the river
• Thug snuggling: nas & jay z

SYFFAL: "Fantastical carrots and seratonin levels, meeting satan at the door of a church bell's bevel." Aesop Rock lyric, or the beginning of my commencement speech to the graduating class of 2010 at Rutgers University?

Sole: Both?

SYFFAL: Aesop actually tried to steals that from me, but I salvaged it from his dream journal. If a cherub is an armed chubby baby, and a sasquatch is a tall hairy man-beast, what the Fuck are you supposed to be?

Sole: zack galafanakis doing a che guevera impersonation

SYFFAL: I notice that Mestizo is on your new album, where I come from I call him brother. What rumors can you start about him that will increase his mysteriousness in the independent music gayme? If I had to start one, I would go with: Mestizo once charmed a fleet of semi-trucks to converge on the small town of Paw Paw, Illinois and as he stood in the center of the semis, he put his palms together and Tom Cruise grew three inches.

Sole: mestizo's father jack harrow was one of the lead liasons at area 51 and helped co-write the book "the secret life of plants." mestizo flees to atlanta where he is begins ghost writing songs for outkast and chuck d until an ill timed off the cuff professor griff comment gets him fired. mestizo moves to egypt buys a motorcycle and begins traveling the middle east in the late sadaam era. while in yemen, helping out locals install water purifyers he starts hearing underground american rap and is repulsed. flies back to america and the rest is history. in all honesty, b dolan and mestizo are my two favorite rappers right now.

SYFFAL: Puntworthy cuntlappers was my band name in high school. We played metal versions of polk songs, or so we told people. If you could start a band to play one ultra-specific type of music, what type would it be, and what would your band name be?

Sole: Honestly i would probably do jihadi death metal rap. call it "insane imam posse."

SYFFAL: I met Sage Francis in 2003 at Scribble Jam. I mistakenly asked him if he wanted to smoke the devil's weed. Ever since then, he hasn't called, he hasn't @'d me, he hasn't mentioned me on the facebooks... Do you think I've permanently offended him? Would it mend fences if I sent him a huge box of Black Angus beef products? I feel terrible about how it all went dizzown.

Sole: A lot of straight edge people are a bore. sage is fucking crazy and doesnt really need alcohol. he has never once given me shit for getting drunk or high around him. he is a rapper after all. i keep trying to tell him, "its wine, its fucking grapes, you like grapes? these are old grapes... like you"

SYFFAL: Your band, they are teh tits. Do you know their government names and their birthdays? Prove it.

Sole: william ryan fritch, he was hatched in the 80s.
john raymond wagner 1984.
thomas bud berning was hatched sometime in the 60s put in homeostasis and woke up a few years ago. i dont want to give out their DOBs because i feel thats between them and their parents.

SYFFAL: After listing their names and dates of birth, please compliment each of them on some part of their personality, fashion sense or pubic wig selections.

Sole: ryan: is hillarious, he always takes the most fucked up shit i say about 55% further to the point where its actually kind of disturbing. certified genius, cares about the shit people say, sensitive, gourmet chef.
john: john to me is like having a business manager mixed with an incredible music talent. fiercely loyal, intelligent, always down for a hike, good at call of duty, surprisingly amazing film director.
bud: bud makes laid back seem uptight, he is literally the best producer in the game right now, great sense of humor, almost the very definition of "cool." bud is a philosopher and a feminist and i think he would be the first to throw a punch if anyone tried to Fuck with me.

after the bullshit tours i have brought these guys on, its truly a miracle we are still friends. these are the most stand up dudes i have ever fucked with.

SYFFAL: When I was a kid I was into rockets. Me and my neighbors would tape WWF wrestler trading cards to the shafts of these rockets and fire them into the stratosphere. Can you successfully create a sexual innuendo from the fun fact I just tolds yous?

Sole: baby hulks starfucking starry dynamo... is that innuendo...

SYFFAL: The internet is chock full of stories about your sexual verility. What do you fancy yourself as: an oil derek in the Oklahoma plains, a well lubricated stock car engine piston, or a ginger-necked beacon of sun-burnable skin, the cutest freckles and a dash of Piston Honda from Mike Tyson's Punchout. Choose wisely.

Sole: put it this way, we've had more abortions than china around here. lets just say 2 a week for the past 6 years.

SYFFAL: Musically, what are you working on now? Who is guesting?

Sole: working on an official fake four ep follow up for the fall... guests include evangelista, and maybe a track with astronautalis, jared paul, and some other folks who havent confirmed so im not gonna drop names... i try to work with people that i think i can make good songs with that im a fan of... i used to be against cameos and shit, but i think it adds an interesting bit of inspiration to the tracks, like, you gotta step it up when you're working with people you really respect. after that ep done we're gonna start working on our DIY sole and skyrider EP series. it seems like we're gonna have a SSRB REMIX album, which we'll probably release for free download and maybe sell vinyl.... im almost done with nuclear winter 2, every rapper i respect that isnt on the SSRB album is on it except for immortal technique, young jeezy and lupe fiasco... after that im gonna start working on a new mansbestfriend instrumental record OR NW3 which will be 90s themed, if not the entire jay z reasonable doubt album.

SYFFAL: Liar. Where are you touring?

Sole: im touring north america starting in august to october. then im headed back to the motherland europa. was gonna go to japan but we'll see about that. australia probably. this next album is gonna blow the Fuck up, the music we are making is so good now i think i'll be able to do one of those tour once every 18 month status, i sure fucking hope so. i love money and sitting on my ass and eating and recording and reading and playing with my dogs... im hoping we can go play for the troops in somalia or wherever we invade next...

SYFFAL: Cheetos are delicious. And when can we hug as platonic male besties? (please use this space to promote whatever you'd like, but be sure to have it rhyme backwards)

Sole: maybe when donald trump is elected as the next president?

SYFFAL: If "Never" was the answer, just fucking say that Sole.