Our Interview with Andrea Dawn

As bloggers it is easy to forget about the grind that the artists we cover go through just to get a record in our greasy meat mitts.

We forget that each song is not just composed of the emotions and musical talents of the artist but also the blood, sweat, and tears of seemingly endless physical labor. It is so much easier to be on the listening end, passing our pompous judgments from the comfort of a keyboard. We're not grinding it out in the studio, we're not completely shattered from nights on end going city to city, and we're not sitting here with our lives broken wondering if it is all worth it. Andrea Dawn has done all of these things.

I came across Andrea's music through our SYFFAL submission page. I gave Doll a few spins and fell in love. I wrote a review and kept it in my rotation. Recently Andrea reached out with an idea to do an article about her life as a musician and her desire to transition away from the struggles for fame. I was saddened by this new as a fan, but figured the best way to get this all out was to do an interview. Shit got really real, in a real hurry, and here it is. For real.

Syffal: What is your day job? Is it a professional cat wrestler?

Andrea Dawn: That would be way cooler than what I do. I actually just started a new job last week. So this is week 2 working for Rachel Allan, an evening gown designer. I organize the trunk shows and handle inventory coming from China. This week is photo shoot week so I'm surrounded by models.

Syffal: Oh that sounds really awful, wanna trade jobs? Do the models need someone to oil them up or down? Or up AND down?

Andrea Dawn: I would love to trade jobs! I'm sure they need oil assistance for the hard to reach places. :-)

Syffal: I'll send you my resume. So what's all this "I’m quitting the music biz, biz?"

Andrea Dawn: I'm not quitting per se.... I'm just done pushing for fame, and letting music take over my entire life. My music came from such a sad place, for the most part, and ended up heavily contributing to the end of my marriage. So it really turned into an unhealthy thing for me. People don't realize how much the question "why haven't you made it?" or "how are you not famous?" is really quite loaded, although so well intentioned.

I have no idea why I haven't "made it". But there is this whole concept of "do what you love and let it kill you" that I just don't want. I'm actually happy right now, and don't feel the need to write. I'm sure I will again someday, but hopefully from a much less miserable place. When I tell people that, their response is usually "oh but your songs are so good". Which is so great. But it almost feels like people would rather see me miserable, making records that only sell a few hundred copies, my label being out about $20,000, having no healthcare, and a failing relationship... than me be happy and not writing.

So this year I'm sort of like, fuck it. I'm taking care of myself. I've lost over 40lbs, I'm in a good relationship, I'm hoping to have kids in a couple of years, and I'm just done pushing for stardom.

Syffal: I get that. Believe me I can relate to a lot of that.
So are Andrea Dawn and Andrea Hughes two different people? It seems sort of Jekyll and Hyde-ish.

Andrea Dawn: It is a bit, yeah. I didn't really intend it to be that way. I use the stage name because I started playing out at 15 and I assumed I would get married, etc. But now it's really nice to be able to separate myself and just be Andrea Hughes sometimes. And my darkest self really does come out in my music. In daily life I'm pretty silly and happy. I think people who listen to my music and don't know me would probably peg me to be a much different person.

At first, when I was younger, I used music to express all the things I wasn't "supposed to", being raised in the church. Every lusty feeling was SO WRONG, and I started writing to get all of that out. Then I wrote to get out all of my dark thoughts concerning my relationship. Last year I let go of the church, and my relationship, so I don't have anything to hide anymore. Or nothing I need to get out and be able to say "oh it's just art".

Syffal: Church can be a major cock block (or twat swat for chicks). You obviously started music very young. What got you into music so young? Was it always an outlet thing or were you just trying to get laid? For most of the SYFFAL staffers it was, ineffectively, the latter.

Andrea Dawn: I was super young... I started playing piano at 4, and I was a failed classical musician. My teachers kept trying to get me to practice, and I just wanted to write my own things. I think I started actually song writing at 10, and got really into music at 10. I remember buying Fiona Apple, Jewel, Alanis and Brandy when I was 10. It was the big boom of female musicians in 1994-95. My dad was really into music, so it was always playing in my house. But the writing was really always an outlet. I was awkward, depressed, suppressed, sexual, and in a very loud household. Sitting with my keyboard and writing was like my own little world. By 12 I had my keyboard linked to my 4-track, linked to my tape deck.... there are some really awful Andrea Dawn tapes somewhere at my parent’s house.

At some point, in my late teens and in college, it sort of became a "get laid" thing. But I got married at 20, so it was more of a "get attention" thing. It probably still is. One thing I've struggled with in giving up the dream is wondering if there is anything else about me that makes me special or desirable. I've gotten a fair amount of male attention from my music, which is pretty different for me since I grew up unpopular, chubby, and then got married really young. So it has messed with my head to think about not being that anymore. It helps that Kevin, the guy I'm with doesn't care what I do as long as I'm happy, and I feel very very desired by him, just being Andrea Hughes.

Syffal: I'm working on a novel about our SYFFAL sex lives called "50 Shades of Lame" which is set inside of Tom's chin. As much as I want to ask you about the intricate details of your sex life, this is a music blog so I will stay on track and only use the sexual innuendos on the approved list of SYFFAL sexual innuendos which are mostly about male genitals.

We talked about your past and we talked about your future. Let's go inbetwixt. You had a music career, you made records, you played shows, and you probably got drunk with Mötley Crüe. Was this part of your the good part or was it feeding into your depression and driving you away from music? Am I a good therapist or nah?

Andrea Dawn: That sounds like a great book! I would totally read it.

Man... that's a really good and really tough question...

Touring the country a few times are some of my most unique and life changing memories. I really can't categorize them as good or bad. It's a little like a drug, it's the best and worst parts of your life. Good shows and good records had the power to make me feel the best I'd ever felt... 
Recording Doll for instance... I think the record turned out great, and I'm so proud of it. But recording it was brutal. I can hardly even listen to it without going back to the process of making it. There is so much pressure. After 15 takes of the same song, and hearing that I still didn't "nail it", I would end up sitting on the bathroom floor of the studio in tears. I'll go ahead and say it, It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

Then on the last tour I had a miscarriage. That was horrifying. I didn't touch my piano for months. On that tour I had amazing experiences, played The Roxy, saw the country... but then in the last 2 days ran out of money to get home, and I was uninsured and miscarrying. I think there's just so much more that goes into it than people think. And not to be sexist, but especially for a woman. We would drive 14 hours, show up to a venue and get ready to play.... Women being judged so much on appearance, I would show up looking like shit, and feeling like shit. And yet I would still have great shows with some great people. I'm babbling. It's very up and down.

Ultimately... I'm 30 now... and I can't live without health insurance, and under the poverty line. It's stressful as hell. And it's mentally exhausting to keep waiting to "make it". Making it is what you want it to be.

Syffal: Wow that is devastating. What a roller coaster.

If your music career and life as a musician was a ride at Great America, which one would it be? Mine would be the Giant Drop because it feels like I'm falling to my death, and one time I ripped a guys leg off...

Andrea Dawn: Hahaha! Oh I'd say the Shock Wave... old school. I think they tore it down. It was an awesome ride except it banged your head side to side between the head protector so much that you exited with an instant headache.

Syffal: Let's say you are writing a pamphlet to handout to young people that are thinking about doing music full time, it's called, "So you've decided to be a musician..." Give me 5 to 7 crucial bullet points that you would insert into this pamphlet.

Andrea Dawn: mmmmmm

1. If you want to make money, accept that you will have to play covers and teach lessons while you pursue your own music.
2. Don't underestimate the power of marketing. Being good doesn't get you heard, it just makes you good.
3. If you want your music to be heard, make great music videos, which will take money, that you might have to make from playing covers and teaching.
4. Don't let anyone manipulate your music, but ask the advice of people you trust.
5. Register for ASCAP or BMI and call your rep. Constantly. When they are in town for a festival, invite them out. To a show, for pancakes, whatever. No one ever told me about this. I wish someone would have.
6. Find a way to be happy if you don't "make it", or make sure you're the kind of person who wants success more than happiness. Whichever kind of person you are, IT'S OK. But figure it out.

Syffal: I would just add, if you can't do....blog.

Picture this, you're standing in a dark room behind a curtain, on the other side is a podium with a microphone and in the audience is everyone who every listened to and loved your music. You have to break it to them that you are taking this break from music. What would you say to them and would you end with a Gallagher watermelon smash or would you pick a different fruit?

Andrea Dawn: Dang. That's something. Ok.... I would say.... "Thank you everyone for giving a shit about what I've done. I hope my music has touched people the way that good music touches me. Music can make us feel less alone in our struggles, or perfectly say something we haven't been able to form into words. I hope I've done that for people.

It's been wonderful to see and hear how many people have had big hopes and dreams for me. You have made me feel like a special human being... and in a world full of a billion human beings... that's a pretty amazing feeling. But here's the thing. I'm not gonna "make it". I finally had to break it to myself, and now I need to break it to you. I'm probably, most likely, not gonna make it. I'm afraid that is disappointing to some. And probably the more disappointing thing may be that I'm ok with it. And a significant amount of people won’t care at all, which is so completely fine with me. I'm happy to no longer be pushing my body and mind for the sake of my art. Maybe that disqualifies me as an artist. I was really living a life I wasn't proud of, and my music was a way to get things out that I felt I couldn't. I feel quite free these days, and it's utility to me has significantly changed.

I'm so proud of the music I created. And it would still be amazing to see my records sell out. But I have found happiness in a life of work, love, family, and friendship.

I don't think music will ever be out of my blood, and you'll see me doing some things here and there. Who knows what the future has planned. But I'm letting go of my plans. I still want to sing. But I want to sing for freedom and happiness, and love. Alanis couldn't keep making Jaged Little Pill's.... I don't want to either.

I'm so thankful that anyone would even care to hear any of this. Just that is more than I deserve. So thank you for loving my music. I hope you can love me without it.

Man.... I really can't think of a better fruit to smash than a watermelon. I think Gallagher got this right.

Syffal: He sure did. Is there anything else you want to say to your fans, our readers, Joel's creepy eyes, or anyone else?

Andrea Dawn: I guess I don't want to make it seem like I'm "retiring" or something. That would be stupid. I guess I just want to convey that my priorities are changing, and people won't be seeing as much music from me, but I'm happy.

It's just been an extraordinary year. After the record came out I pretty much had an existential break down. Got divorced, lost half my hair for some reason, thought I was dying for a month (like really was convinced I was dying)... and I've come out the other side of that quite happy, healthier, and with less of a need to write music.

I guess the last thing I would want to say is that I hope the next song I release is something people can dance to. :-)  And I hope the people who have gotten to know me through my music will be happy to see me happy.