Interview with Chris from the band METZ

A few months back our very own Del LeFevre interviewed the Canadian based band P.S. I Love You and when asked what bands they felt the world needed to know about they screamed METZ, or at least I thought they screamed because it is was written in all caps, turns out that’s just how they spell their name. Obviously any reporter worth his salt, or her pepper would hunt down METZ and find out why one of our favorite bands was so heavily attached to their dicks.

After numerous failed attempts to lock down an interview with what I imagine will be their soon defunct label, we managed to contact the band directly and browbeat them into an interview. Admittedly our aggressive line of questions made them feel feelings usually reserved for teen moms, eventually they realized that being a parent was hard work and hunkered down to make the bestest interview with METZ in the history of METZ.

SYFFAL: I was home schooled and by home I mean the streets and by schooled I mean watched a lot of TV, because of this I don't like to read because it makes me feel shitty about myself, so obviously I refuse to read your bio. Save me the legwork and spiral into depression and tell us who is in the band, what they do, and what aspect of their upbringing are they most embarrassed by.

METZ: Alex, Hayden, Chris.
Far too many embarrassing moments shared to mention.

SYFFAL: How would you convert your sound to the metric system?

METZ: If this doesn't work then you've lost me.

SYFFAL: That didn’t work. I equate your sound to a buzz saw killing a robot. Who would you say influenced that sound and what do you have against the robots?

METZ: We likely influence each other, the sound comes from our friendship. Robots are stealing my job.

SYFFAL: Just like Mexicans, do you have them up there? When I first met the fortunately named Ms. Baker I knew right away we were going to make magic, and sure enough I grew my mustache out and we toured the country as Magic Tim and the gal with the foxxy gams. How did you meet and did the fireworks go off at first site?

METZ: Hayden and Alex met through music while living in Ottawa. Once they moved to Toronto we met through a similar group of friends. We were all fast friends, the music came shortly after.

SYFFAL: Curtains match the drapes?

METZ: From what I know none of us have curtains OR drapes.

SYFFAL: Oh you have them. Trust me, you have them. Drapes match the bedding, if you catch my drift? If you don't catch my drift I will assume you are virgins.

METZ: Yeah, I guess so. See our previous answer.

SYFFAL: Are you virgins?

METZ: No sir.

SYFFAL: Liars. Switching gears, I get a distinct we want to do heroin but are scared so we only do oxy vibe from you guys. Prove me right or wrong by telling me the mind altering chemicals you use to inspire the music you make. Don't worry about your parents finding out, I will change all the drug names to vegetable names and it will be our secret.

METZ: We like spinach

SYFFAL: I’m picking up what you are putting down, you wild dogs you. I used to think of Canada as a place for good comedians and semi decent strip clubs, but I am finding more and more bands that I like from the region like you guys, PS I Love You and Red Mass. Who are some other bands from the Canadian music scene that we should be paying attention to and rate them on a scale of 1 to 5? 1 being Rihanna and 5 being as awesome as you guys.

METZ: The best band in Toronto is Anagram...they get a 5 at least.

SYFFAL: Does being from Toronto hinder your personality or are you from Toronto because your personality is hindered?

METZ: I try not to think about it.

SYFFAL: I have heard your sound described as Grunge, post grunge, punk, sludge, etc. by non-creative types. That shit doesn't fly here, so using only a slayer song, A Canadian football team, and mustache style followed by the term "core" create your own genre. I am going with
Dead-Skin-mask-Argonaut-Hitler-core.

METZ: Aggressive perfector - Blue Bomber - Fu Manchu - Core

SYFFAL: If you could be one of my balls which one would you be and why?

METZ: The Question is just too hard to answer each ball having its own merits

SYFFAL: Why thank you. Do you know the Rapper MindBender Futurama?

METZ: Yes, I worked at a record store with him when I was 18 years old.

SYFFAL: When you finally get to cross the border into the promise land and play New York City we can totally hang out and I might even let you have dinner, or as you Canadians call it "supper" at my house. Let's start planning our site seeing tour now, what are the 3 biggest Rock monuments you want to see in NYC? You get bonus points if they are hip hop related.

METZ:

1. RZAs house.
2. Method Man's house
3. 36 Records so I can pay my respects to the late ODB.

SYFFAL: That is a lot of bonus points, I will have to check out bonus point stock and see if we have that many. How do the following statements make you feel?

• Guatemalan Pamela Anderson
• Tofu Popsicles
• Blonde Curly Haired Asian kids
• Heroin and out burger

METZ: All of these make me feel a combination of hungry and old.

SYFFAL: On a scale of cream cheese to straight John Travolta how much do you love syffal.com?

METZ: This much

SYFFAL: Is there anything you would like to promote do it here, only caveat is that you must do it in the form of an anagram. If you don't know what an anagram is look it up, I will not support your shitty educational system.

METZ: Alas! No more Zs. A rope ends it