Our Interview with Shakey Graves

Shakey Graves created one of my favorite albums of the year. It's as calming as a massage of the prostate, if that calms you. It's as relaxing as a toot on the ol' poop chut, if that relaxes you. It's as easy on the ears as a tickle of the ol' pickle, if you're into pickle ticklin'.

AND WHO ISN'T INTO PICKLE TICKLIN'?

What's most amazing about my special interview friend Shake Graves, isn't his gold plated spitoon or his bar doors with wings male tramp stamp, it's that I was in love with his his music WEEKS before falling spurs over chaps for his gorgeous country croonin' and front porch rockin' chair email stylings. He's not only simply beautiful, the sangin's he spits from his spit hole is on par to be played at my funeral. I love this man.

SYFFAL: I hate reading as much as I hate the Christians (Hi Mom!). What should the people know about Shakey Graves before they become fanatical fans filled with an undying love that only a delicious beverage served in a squirrel carcass can cure?

Shakey Graves: Well first off, Shakey Graves hates reading and loves squirrel carcass drank as much as the next person...but people should most definitely know that Shakey Graves is not a band...I repeat...not a band.....just a guy, with shiny teeth and a gut, who has written more songs than a yeti could shake dick at.

SYFFAL: How often do you call yourself Smokey Bones?

Shakey Graves: Not often, I prefer Cranky Slaves, Spanky Hanes, Chokey Globes, Stanky Lathes...etc

SYFFAL: When the people pledge their allegiance to your brand of dubstep, what color glow stick do you tend to reward them with? Are these glow sticks color coded? What does the red, blue and yellow glow necklace symbolize?

Shakey Graves: I only see in grey tones like a shih tzu, but glow sticks mean sex, obviously, sex in America. Go America. 'Merca.

SYFFAL: When you played Burning Man in 2014, what was it like in the future?

Shakey Graves: Mo blacker n' tar

SYFFAL: When I listen to your music, I get this strange sense of calm in my bowels. I told my doctor about it and he is considering using your latest album as a treatment for Chron's. Is it too early to call you the shit?

Shakey Graves: hahahha....no.

SYFFAL: SYFFAL started with a bunch of music queers being queery for the music they loved in a safe and non-queer-beating circle of email receivers and senders. How fucking gay are people who have a problem with people that they don't know putting things in their asses like their friends' penises?

Shakey Graves: Well...I always think back to the words of wisdom that my grandpappy told me when I was a small pup....ahem.

SYFFAL: How do you know if your roommate is gay?

Shakey Graves: His dick tastes like shit.

SYFFAL: Does my previous question make you imagine a man with multiple peni?

Shakey Graves: Yes. Yes it does.

SYFFAL: Currently, I'm reading The Idiot's Guide To Beekeeping. It's all about the masturbatory habits of those allergic to carbon dioxide. What is your current favorite misleading question inside of this interview?

Shakey Graves: The chron's one....that is a serious ailment....my (friend/animal/next door neighbor/ grandmother/ loved one /spirit guide/ Mufasa) died from chron's. not funny.

SYFFAL: LIAR! We sometimes catch shit from motherfuckers because we don't ask you the same gay ass motherfucking questions that all the other motherfucking blogs, magazines, newspapers and chuuch bulletins ask (Yes, chuuch). If you had to pick one gay ass motherfucking question for us to ask you, what would it be? Is it okay if I answer it for you right quick?

Shakey Graves: If you and the members of your band had to be individually summed up in one word....what would that word be?

SYFFAL: I ate an apple AND an orange at lunch, I now have the icky tummy. If you were told to lose the scarf while performing on stage at a rodeo, after you scoffed, would you replace said scarf with a bolo?

Shakey Graves: Fuck yes.

Bolos are like nooses, and nooses help masturbation, and masturbation helps me keep my job as a preschool teacher. eek.

SYFFAL: You are from Texas. At what age were you gifted your first bolo tie?

Shakey Graves: I used to have to steal my mothers, but I got my own back in 2008, it is a rattlesnake with turquoise eyes....a good bolo.

SYFFAL: The thing I hate about Texas is the size of your coffee cups. Anywhere else in Merca (yes, Merca), I can get a 77oz. super duper double caff with mocha jizz sprinkled with uncut Columbian cocaine. Your amazing beef makes up for it, but come the fuck on, what is goings ons with your dinky ass coffee cups?

Shakey Graves: We like quantity, but spread out.

Texans prefer to feel like we are doing something whilst drinking coffee, thus, harassing a waitress, or walking back and forth across your house for more swill is important to us as a state.

Little accomplishments built Texas.

Not cheese ass lurkers who prefer a bathtub of lukewarm piss sitting on their desk, and for the record, Texas is not even a part of Merca.

AND also for the record...I wrote Merca a few lines up without reading this down here...sounds like we both have a great grasp on our fine land. ha!

SYFFAL: My friend Tim gave me the swift kick in the ass I needed to keep writing when he bought the domains we now share our love of music with on syffal.com and shutyourfuckingfaceandlisten.com. Tim is also a cutter. Not that he cuts his skin, but he cuts everything he eats with a knife and fork. It's not only fascinating watching him eat popcorn, it's down right infuriating when we're out to eat and he's chopping up his shoestring pertaters. A few decades or so ago, we saw this phenomena highlighted on Seinfeld. Do you think Tim was spied upon eating his mini burgers with a knife and fork, or is Tim just a fucking pansy in zubaz?

Shakey Graves: He is a Japansy. Does he eat pussy with a knife and a fork? eek!

SYFFAL: Some of the bands/artists you have shared stages with lately seem to be your biggest fans. I think that's pretty fucking cool. Can you list us some artists you've been lucky to play with that we should be checking out? Are any of them brown?

Shakey Graves: I got asked to busk outside of a show for some band called Edward Sharpe and the magnetic fields...or something. Them and Mumford Inc.

That was pretty neat, I got a backstage pass and flipped out on free beer.

My favorite band that I have played with in Merca is called Crooked Cowboy and The Freshwater Indians. They never remember me and I suck their dicks every time I see them hit the stage.

They play insane INSANE psychedelic western music in the Los Angeles area.

Here in Austin I play along side a band called Wild Child that I fucking love! they just released an album.

Other dear friends and favorites are The Petrojvic Blasting Co., Frank Fairfield, He's My Brother She's My Sister, The Due Diligence, Hello Caller, The Dough Rollers, The Globes, The White Ghost Shivers, and the legendary Blind Boy Paxton... (he's brown AND blind).

SYFFAL: Do you have anything you want to promote? Put it here while I feign interest.

Shakey Graves: okay enough.

SYFFAL: When did you realize I was out if le questions?

Shakey Graves: ...

SYFFAL: I love you dude. Thank you for existing.

Shakey Graves: IM GOING ON TOUR THIS NOVEMBER, BUT I DONT KNOW WHERE, I AM BOOKING THE TOUR WILLY NILLY BASED ON WHERE PEOPLE WANT ME TO GO. ITS GOING TO BE UP TO THE NORTH EAST. SO HOLLER AT SHAKEY.GRAVES@GMAIL.COM IF YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS AND WANT TO SEE ME PLAY. THANK YOU SO MUCH.