Our Interview with Mac Lethal

Mac Lethal. He is a confused and angry little man. Pissed off at his own skin for not reasons unknown (pssst, I know what they are, but I'm not telling. psssst, it rhymes with "carrots julienne"), Mister Mac doesn't even know that I consider him Canadian.

While interviewing him I realized he has no fucking clue about his Canadian heritage, nor does he know much about his ancestral roots as they pertain to the freedom and sovereignty of the Inuit peoples. I understand his confusion because; I too, was once unaware of my African roots. Most people just look at me and see a white bald chubby guy with a hot wife and excellent calves, but actually, I'm a Build-A-Bear franchisee.

You will respect my fluff gun, or I shall insert you with a little squeezable noisemaker that opera sings the entire script of the Dennis Quaid classic film, Innerspace.

Watch as I piss off this white rapper by mentioning a successful white rapper in the first sentence, then from there it actually gets pretty cool, Mac is a good fucking dude, and I'm proud to call him "sister".

SYFFAL: You've been called the Lutheran Eminem. What do you tell people who question your accounting skills because you're Canadian?

Mac Lethal: Awesome another slapstick, jack-ass, humor filled interview that would be a lot funnier if it didn't reference Eminem the first sentence.

SYFFAL: Yes. Yes it is. Have you ever considered changing your rap moniker to something more fitting like Horse Collar or Ears?

Mac Lethal: Have you ever considered changing your journalist moniker to something more fitting like Ejaculate Storage or Herpes Snot?

SYFFAL: I have actually. I like "Dumb Cumpster" better tho. Try harderz. What is the easiest way to get your attention other than a YouTube video calling you a liar?

Mac Lethal: Saying that my accusing Tool's most recent album of being formulaic was "DISSING Tool" especially after I said I love Tool's first 4 albums.

SYFFAL: Formulaic would be quite the compliment if you consider Danny Carey's ginormous bass drum actually wrote all of Aenima. If I asked you to rap all of the states in Canada alphabetically by their Inuit names, could you do it? Could you do it faster?

Mac Lethal: Fuck Eskimos

SYFFAL: Your YouTube battle with rappers-unknown proved to me how behind the times I am in so far as technology and the Internet. My bag phone wasn't charged but I almost called Tim “Alaska” Baker to prove the validity of your rapperings. How cute is Tim Baker?

Mac Lethal: He is, oddly enough, one of the more adorable rappers in the game. We used to talk on AIM while he was at work, and one day I got a job interview doing cold sales for a newspaper (which is his job I believe, he may be the supervisor of people who do that job). Anyways he gave me several interview pointers completely unsolicited. It was very funny. I didn't get the job, however, due to lack of experience. But he knew his shit. He's pretty underrated. The whole Atoms Family fathered a lot of modern elite rap styles and got no credit.

SYFFAL: What does Mac Lethal eat for dinner besides scribble jam on rap snacks?

Mac Lethal: You could either guess this or be completely baffled by it, but I am a passionate and avid culinary artist. I took culinary courses in high school before I dropped out and accidentally became a rapper for a career. So for humility reasons and challenges to myself, I home cook just about every meal. Lately I have been heavily working on homemade tortillas and had my current girl tell me "the tortillas were so good it felt like I had an orgasm in my mouth." Not to get into anything too perverse but I asked her if she would like another orgasm in her mouth shortly after and she was ready to go. I suck though. I never let a girl finish off a blowjob. I always end up having sex with her because I feel like she will be left hanging.

SYFFAL: Who would you picks to be in your indie rapper wrestling league battle royale? Please pick three.

Mac Lethal: Astronautalis, Billy Danz and Lil Fame. Andy made a Kobe/rape joke on twitter the other day so he gets in the ring with MOP. Shouts to Astro though, he's my friend. Cool dude, fantastic narrative driven folk/rap.

SYFFAL: Who would you picks to be in your indie rapper interpretive dance ballet royale? Please pick three.

Mac Lethal: The same.

SYFFAL: I'm a little pissed you didn't mention Dr. Bloodmoney from Oregon. Dude has the ill subliminal pirouettes. What are your favorite words that rhyme with 'universal health care'?

Mac Lethal:
I'll make the newest girl in Bel Air,
douche with gerbil pelt hair
the Jew intern with gelled hair's
rude and servile yet fair
Fuck the world and grow a baby from the truly fertile veldt square
miles, I got style and a blue and purple felt chair.

SYFFAL: Show off. What is the fastest way to get from point A to a woman's vagina using only rap skills and/or home-roasted pistachios?

Mac Lethal: You do not need rap skills to get to a woman's heart if you can home-roast pistachios. In all honesty rap skills may get in the way so tell them you own a landscaping business.

SYFFAL: Let's say you and I are on a road trip together. We make one stop about 400 miles in. What do you purchase at the gas station besides gas and water? I would buy 7 bags of corn nuts and a palette of vitamin water (xxx flavor). Oh, and some funyons.

Mac Lethal: If it's a short road trip and health isn't being scrutinized: Peanut Butter Twix, Gatorade, cinnamon gum, cashews, Peppered Jack Links beef jerky, crossword puzzle book, ironic redneck bumper stickers, and some air fresheners.

SYFFAL: If our parents were to ever meet, there might be some fists a flyin'. See my parents hate Canadian parents of rappers. I don't know where it all started but it's been bad. What do your parents hate besides American parents of bald, bearded, guitar playing, shitty interview question writing, and many many children making white peoples?

Mac Lethal: I am not from Canada. So your parents would get down well with my parents. I don't even know if my parents ever went to Canada when they were together.

SYFFAL: Oh Mister Lethalz, I wish you knew you as much as I knew you. How do you celebrate a show well done besides with a fresh razor blade in yer shaving razor?

Mac Lethal: Dangerous to celebrate accomplishments too deeply because the struggles will torture you that much more. I simply acknowledge that things are paying off and hope for the best as we progress. I may have a drink or two with the tour-mates, but usually the high spirit and feeling of it all being worth it is better than any drug or substance.

SYFFAL: Speaking of razors: what is your preferred brand of shaving razor? How many dome shaves can you get out of one blade? *Bic-bald men what to know*

Mac Lethal: I use Wahl sheers. I don't like shaving too close because it makes me look like a 5 year old. So I keep it scruffy with head sheers. Electric face razors never worked for me.

SYFFAL: Besides your Korean BBQ album, what the Fuck are you doing here in the present that doesn't involve YouTube battling many childrens?

Mac Lethal: Working on an EP about news woman Robin Meade. Gonna start doing a regular relationship advice video blog. A new album eventually when I am ready to release it. And lots of tours.

SYFFAL: My son screams "YAAAAAY DYLAN!" after a successful deuce and/or a fairly accurate crayon scribble of an onion ring. While I'm happy that he feels accomplished, I'm worried that he'll see mediocrity as a benchmark. What the Fuck will you tell your children if they drawl you a picture of a horsey that actually looks like a pile of rainbow shit?

Mac Lethal: Don't tell them anything. Act less than enthusiastic to the point they notice. Then they will know to really get your attention they need to come with the bonkers shit.

SYFFAL: What are you listening to currently?

Mac Lethal: The Weeknd, this playlist I made on my iPhone with "Racks" by YC, "Haters" by Tony Yayo, "50 Niggaz Deep" by Drunken Master, "The Race" by Wiz Khalifa, "Hyyerr" by Kid Cudi and some other dope new shit. Andrew Bird - Armchair Apocraphyl, Also I am back on Drake's first record for some reason.

SYFFAL: What is the over/under on you denouncing your Canadian citizenship and moving to Alaska to continue your life as a member of the underground militia currently training and arming themselves in preparation for the coming al quaeda attack?

Mac Lethal: It's spelled 'al-Qaeda'.

SYFFAL: Don't corrected me's. I love you Mac. I also love baby bell cheeses. There's something about that red wax that really strokes my beard. Hugs?

Mac Lethal: Suge's.