Ballerina Black

I have a thing for bands with a style. Sure, if the music sucks shit the fucking style matters naught, but music I like coming from a band with their stylistic shit together makes my man meat moistened and my manfingers move. 

One of the few bands that I can picture after a mere mention of their name is the LA post-punk/amazing vegan chefs Ballerina Black. I picture them in black denim, a few members in black button downs, maybe a black fedora on the one with a flower print v-neck and a black sport coat on top of that, and they look disinterested as fuck.

And five seconds after I wrote that I checked out their website and HOLY BALLS ON A VENEZUELAN MASSEUSE NAMED MASSEUAZUELAN, I WAS RIGHT!

Ballerina Black have this mope-rock shit down, and it doesn't just make me want to listen to them more, it fucking makes me want to wear sunglasses at night at the dinner table while crossing my arms and refusing to answer any question posed to me with anything but a shrug and a grunt. I ain't even sayin' I'm at my parent's dinner table, this fucking table is my own and I'm setting a poor example for my children, but fuck them man, they don't even understand me.

Ballerina Black make me want to fucking take public transportation bro. Serious. I just want to sit in my black cool clothes feeling so fucking cool even I'm bored with myself as myself is so cool I'm already bored with myself's coolness bro. 

I hear Ballerina Black as the less enthusiastic version of White Lies meets 30 Seconds to Mars, but with way less intensity and way more bored American sass, but dude, I ain't even shitting on their breakfast burritos, I fucking love this band.

Their new EP, Whails, is a less dramatic continuation of their "meh" attack on energetic musicians, as every previous release from BB has been just as disinterested, but this just feels like they're fucking done trying to impress you with their "I'm not impressed" and they're comfortable enough with how they approach rock that it's not just their approach, it's their aforementioned style. 

Taking the beauty from the seemingly ugly and positioning it just so, Ballerina Black have made yet another handful of songs fit easily inside my vault of music I fucking love. Shit, "Gravity" has turned into the song I play air guitar to in the shower, using my undercarriage as a sufficient place with which to pick my air-bass. 

I don't just want this EP to never end, I want the repeat button with the arrows butt fucking each other to nod just as slowly and knowingly as I have been since they sent me this shit a few weeks ago. If you don't buy this, you are a super asshole.