Our Interview with Tim (Alaska) Baker and Lang Vo from Words Hurt

The first time I met Tim Baker I didn't even know that he was a rapper. I just thought he was a quick witted grumpy piece of shit. But I always loved the fact that he was an asshole; it's his most endearing quality. He doesn't beat around his bush; he'll tell you straight up what he thinks. It's brutal honest served up with a side of Brut cologne. 

And while it took me by surprise to learn that Tim was a successful rapper performing under the moniker Alaska like 40 years ago it kinda made sense. The shit is engrained in Tim's personality even though the average on-looker might not see that today because it's disguised under Keds shoes, a button up cardigan and a well-groomed hair cut.  

It's still the same old Tim though (so I hear). I may call his 'edge' grumpiness, but that is only because he's a couple of years away from earning his medicare card. It's still edge none the less coming from a wrinkly ass family man with a fresh perspective on life. A life that he's enjoying and a life that is inspiring him to make music just because he fucking loves making music. No compromising. No desire for fame. No need for money because he has a real job. 

It's just for love. 

A few years ago Lang Vo, a producer, porn addict, and father of 13 stalked Tim on twitter and after a couple of denied friendship requests he finally broke through. They became internet friendsies and bonded over their love of cheese curds, soft 80's ballads and free & clear laundry detergent. 

And when I met Lang I didn't know he made beats. I just knew Lang as the Asian dude who made some art for SYFFAL and sent the most obscene NSFW e-mails. 

Tim and Lang's bond lead to the creation of Words Hurt. Below, me and Joel talked to them about their new album Fuck That Pretty Boy Shit, which is being release next Tuesday (April 26th). You can pre-order here. 

Tom: I don't think I ever heard how you two met. When Lang was brought on board at SYFFAL I didn't even think to ask him the normal interview questions because after I heard he had 18 kids I was just like: 'Who cares about his background...we just need to give this fucker an outlet.' So, how did you guys hook up and how romantic was it on a scale of 1 to the sea breeze blowing through Christopher Cross' hair?

Tim (Alaska): The birth of Words Hurt was a very "You Got Mail" type of affair. I was the Tom Hanks character because I own an awesome dog and my sweater game is super tight. Lang was the Meg Ryan character because he loves wearing long skirts like he is in a cult and he fucking annoyed me non-stop. Then, through our interactions on craigslist missed connections, we realized we were musically meant for each other. 

Lang: We met on the twitters, after Rob Sonic broke up with me. That was more of a Meg Ryan in " In the Cut" because I  like having a huge bush. So after that I was on the hunt, for  the oldest white guy i could find, to be best friends with.
And I'd say our first bronerific scale was a 0 because he blocked me, because im annoying.

Joel: Follow up question, do you guys have health insurance? That's so hip hop. 

Tim (Alaska): Health insurance is the 5th element of hip hop, so yes. 

Lang: Of course we do. its illegal not to. Hip Hop is about following the rules and being a good citizen and voting for Trump.

Tom: Lang, have you tried impregnating Tim yet? 

Lang: All I'll say is this, that extra weight isn't from sandwhiches.

Joel: Follow up question, Tim have you tried growing the fuck up yet?

Tim (Alaska): I tried, but it was kind of uncomfortable like wearing a little league uniform without a proper undershirt. 

Lang: Plus he got tired of me laughing at him when he wore a little league outfit to the Pizza Hut we take our kids to.

Tom: Tim, privately you told me that this is your best work to date. Is purchasing grout at Home Depot more inspiring than the days of masturbating to Susan Sarandon in the back of your tour van? Why? 

Tim (Alaska): It is because I am no longer stinking drunk, obese and crying. Plus, I get to pretend I am Chip from Fixer Upper. 

Joel: Follow up question, Susan Sarandon was fucking HOT in Rocky Horror, who's your favorite character from the Picture Show? Mine's Riff Raff. 

Tim (Alaska): Rocky, I loved when he beat Ivan Drago. 

Lang: Mine was Transylvanian #7. Because Asians are hilarious looking.

Tom: Tim, because there is no rhyme or reason to your grumpiness, I'm not sure exactly what is and what isn't pretty boy shit. Because you are my spiritual mentor please help me by clarifying if the following is 'Pretty Boy Shit' so I can make sure my life path is headed in the right direction.  

TOM: Ordering your salad dressing on the side?

Tim (Alaska): Pretty boy shit, stop being a pussy, you are at a restaurant, enjoy your fucking life for a second. 

TOM: Cardigans?

Tim (Alaska): Depends, is it one of those cardigans with a roll neck?  If so pretty boy shit, if not, LL Bean shit. 

TOM: Ordering pizza with less than 2 toppings?

Tim (Alaska): It's only pretty boy shit if you order pizza with pineapple and ham, some sort of sauce covered chicken, or whatever the fuck you guys have in Chicago, Chicago pizza is the millennials of pizza. Millennials are always trying to re-brand some shit that has been around forever like micro-aggression and unemployment. Chicago pizza is fucking lasagna, grow up and own that shit Chicago. 

TOM: Sneakers with Jeans?

Tim (Alaska): If you are over 22, and not exercising, sneakers are pretty boy shit. Get some proper footwear and act like a god damn adult. You aint Tom Hanks in Big you asshole. PS, did you guys see the dope pair of Nikes I got from the Sports Authority going out of business sale the other day. SO fresh.

TOM: #feelthebern?

Tim (Alaska): Pretty boy shit, I appreciate what Bern-dog is saying, I believe in most of it, and I will vote for him with gusto and zest if he wins the nod (though it is looking increasingly less likely) but feelthebern sounds like some STD shit. Plus pinning your hopes to some idealistic bullshit after 40 years of electoral neglect is an asshole move, especially if you get butt hurt and bitch that the system is rigged once he doesn't get the nod. That's some taking your ball and going home spoiled 5 year old shit. Its a poser move. Either be about it all the time, on a local/state/national level or shut the fuck up. If you aren't in the mix year round and only get a boner ever 4 years then you are the problem not the solution. 

Joel: I'd like to add three more:

JOEL: Hot yoga?

Tim (Alaska): Pretty boy shit, sure you fart a lot in yoga, but still, if you need to be more extreme in your branding you are probably for posers and yuppies. 

JOEL: Non-dairy cheese?

Tim (Alaska): Non-dairy cheese aint cheese its just pretending to be cheese so people will like it and invite it to parties, its the ultimate poser, thus pretty boy shit. 

Lang: We had a cookout at work once and this co-worker, redneck, named  Ed did all the cooking. When everyone went up to get food, he announced PROUDLY, he made turkey burgers for all the vegans at work.

JOEL: Beers that are only available at "beer releases" and only after having been aged in barrels that once housed maturing horse semen?

TIM (ALASKA): Yeah that is some serious pretty boy shit. People that are on that shit are on some mega consumer shit and if you build your identity on what you consume not what you do you are on some ultimate pretty boy shit. America is the worlds pretty boy. so fuck them. 

TOM: Are you boycotting North Carolina when you go on tour?

Tim (Alaska): I have been boycotting North Carolina since before it was cool. It's Delaware for people who can't accept they are boring. 

Lang: North Carolina smells like farts.

Joel: On that note, has North Carolina been boycotting you guys because you both can't get time off work to tour?

Tim (Alaska): (looks at the ground and kicks rocks) yes.

Lang: ( hugs Tim ) It's ok buddy.