Sankofa

I consider burgers up there with sex. I am constantly aware of both, constantly needing to express my love of burgers alongside my love of my own sexuality, and I LUST for both; all of the sex and all of the burger.

If I could bring food into the bedroom without scorn or greasy sheets, I might consider it. But I can't, so I won't. But if I could, I still might not, because salt grains all up in the kashprinklenitz isn't something I'd consider acceptable. (I once ate a bavarian pretzel in bed and I earned myself a grain of oversized zalt in my urethraschprinkle the following morning. WOOO HA GOT YOU ALL IN CHECK.)

I'm not one to necessarily RAP about burgers, but that's mainly because I don't rap, but I WOULD rap about burgers if I could. There's a burger joint by me called Gillerson's Grubbery (Aurora, IL) that made me consider eating their entire menu in one sitting the first time I was there. Hell, I went back last week and almost dry humped the owner after a half hour conversation about beers. I would totes fucking rap about GG if I had the talent.

Hell, I would rap about artichokes if it wasn't so incredibly important to me that I wouldn't dare run the risk of not fucking it up.

Enter my internet friend Sankofa. This dude has a favorite burger joint around his way (Ft. Wayne, IN) called Bravas that he thinks is pretty fucking spectacular. So he did what NO OTHER RAPPER WILL EVER DO (because rappers are lazy as fuck when it comes to acting on spontaneous ideas that take actual intention AND energy), he wrote a burger rap, recorded the burger rap, whipped up a burger rap music video for the burger, and then proceeded to slather it on the internet in dedication to his Bravas burgers bros. (REAL LYFE VIDEO/SONG CREDITS AT THE BOTTOM BRO!)

"PLANET FLAVORTRON" is the only place in the entire galaxy where your burger is just as excited for you to eat it as you are, and the people that cooked that burger for you on "PLANET FLAVORTRON" are both friends of yours and family of yours. Because who else would you write, record, film, and produce a burger rap video about other than family?

I haven't been to Ft. Wayne, Indiana yet, but when I do, I'm hitting Bravas. And I encourage you to do the same. 

And I also encourage you to peep Gillerson's Grubbery when you get to Aurora, Illinois. 

Because, if we all try hard enough, these burger joints that blow the rest of our meals out of the water won't be such hidden gems anymore and we can plan our entire lives around which burger joints to huff beef in based solely on the recs of our friends who also huff beef.

HUFF BEEF. #huffbeef

BURGER RAP CREDITS:
Sankofa (raps)
Agent Orange (dope beat)
Bambi Guthrie (photo/video goodness)