Blockhead

Blockhead is, in an innocently perverted way, one of my musical benchmarks. Why is this perverted? Well, when I was discussing who Blockhead was with a friend of mine, I called him my Brooke Banner of instrumental music. Who is Brooke Banner? Well, she is the intended recipient of many an ejaculation. She's one of the main sources of masturbatory delight from right around the time I discovered internet pornography as a way to wean myself off of JC Penny's lingerie catalogs.

Brooke Banner was everything I looked for in a porn star. She was fucking hot, totez DTF, and when no other thumbnail seemed worthy of exploration, she was always there to perk up my pencil.

Blockhead is my Brooke Banner.

Blockhead has always been what I relied on as far as what I wanted other music to inspire in me. That's not to say I wanted every chick to look like Brooke Banner, nor do I want every instrumental piece of music to sound like Blockhead, but I want both of them to be inside of what anyone else in that particular category, be it porn or music, puts out.

Mmhmm.

• I want instrumental music to have the feel of the cinematic, as I want my porn stars to look as sexy fully clothed as they do spread eaglez.
• I want instrumental music to feel fucking gritty, if only to make the approaching clean sound crisp as shit, just as I want my porn stars to act dirty as Fuck while wearing the nun's habit.
• I want instrumental music to take me places I've never been, just how I want my spankvids to be filmed before green screenz so I can watch the bonezings happen in Paris one minute and the dank underbelly of Hackensack, New Jersey the next.
• I want instrumental music to make me feel cooler just for listening to them, just like I want my porn stars to make me feel like the champ for even viewing them licking their own ankles.

Anyone can see that Blockhead is Brooke Banner after such an astronomical assertion written by such an amazing handsome wanna-be ginger as myself.

Blockhead just released the album Interludes After Midnight on Ninja Tune, and like everything he's ever fucking done, it's exactly what I wanted. From the opening track Creeps Crouchin' and the creepy door creaking open paired with the pillow muffled bass line, to the track Beyond Reach featuring Baby Dayliner (which is an Australian brand of mascara I've learned) that has about six layers of various electronic manipulations to sift through before you even hear the Mascara speaksing, Blockhead is the fucking dude.

Interludes After Midnight is a confuckingsistently tits ass instrumental album that has earned itself a place in my best of 2012 albums playlist. Whether it's the vocal sample in Never Forget Your Token or the string sample before and just after the drums kick in on Snapping Point, I keep finding shit to replay over and over and over as I look at Brooke Banner porn.

Blockhead has consistently made every album fucking awesome, and while I happen to know him personally from the internets, I've made it a point to never actually tell him that because there is NOTHING worse in the world than a hip hop producer with confidence.

Hip hop producers with confidence are like porn stars getting lip and boob jobs after there was nothing wrong with the previous set of boobs and lips. YOU HEAR ME BROOKE BANNER? I STILL MASTURBATE TO YOU, BUT THEY'RE HALF PITY SCHPURTS BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T REALIZE YOU WERE PERFECT.

Hopefully Blockhead doesn't get too sad and start with the cosmetic surgery, can you imagine that guy having a pointier nose?