Our Interview with Blockhead

One of the first albums I ever repeatedly smoked pot to, was made by Blockhead. One of the first CDs I ever burned for a girl who I smoked pot with, was made by Blockhead. One of the first times I ever escaped from a pedofile's basement torture chamber wearing only my skivvies, using only my wits, was using a jedi technique I purchased at ninjatune.com, that oddly enough, was made by Blockhead.

Yes, Blockhead.

The irretrievably cognizant and sacrificially clandestine keeper of side saddle swagbags. Blockhead is the Yao to my Ming and the only living representative left of The Ceremonial Keepers of the Cha Cha Slide.

I recently sat down at a local watering hole with Block and shared a Tawny Kittaen (which is Shirley Temple, but with a dash of Whitesnake in it).

We discussed many things, none of which I share with you today, as those are being crafted into a movie script starring Jeff Bridges.

Ready for awesome?

BLOCKHEAD INTERVIEW GO:

SYFFAL: Blockhead, despite being extremely fucking talentedz when it comes to the musicing, the internet hates the fact that you type like an Irishman drunk on Catholicism. Where did you learned to typed with two fingers?

Blockhead: I studied for 7 years abroad at the Polly-vu-frencie school of two handed typing. They also gave extremely intense and invasive crash courses in spelling and grammar. From the looks of your first question, I'd venture to say you went there yourself.

SYFFAL: Shut ups. Speaking of two fingers, how does this ability to poke at technology make your music the bettered?

Blockhead: I'm all fingers man. When it comes to music, I'm always on third base. Just straight fingering.

SYFFAL: Mmhmm. When you were first diagnosed with wearing a Baltimore Orioles cap, how did your parents take the news?

Blockhead: They were okay with it... though my dad had always hoped I'd come down with Pittsburg Pirate-itis… sometimes things just don't work out like that. But, recently, I've overcome my Orioles hat. I've moved on to a variety of new hats.

SYFFAL: If you say the word "Snapbacks" I'm going to fucking murder you. Your new album is called Interludes After Midnight, were you aware that this album titledz has already been used by nearly a half dozen smooth jazz compilation albums all for sale after midnight on most television channels not airing skinemax specialz?

Blockhead: Ah, you see, that's all part of it. The idea is that people will think it's a smooth jazz album featuring kenny G's uncles but, in reality, it's true school boom bap hip hop. Just kidding. It's totally a soft jazz album.

SYFFAL: I know. If you were aware of this, that's fucking hillary bro, who's your barber? If you were not aware of this, welcome to the internet, you can search anything at any time bro. Bro?

Blockhead: Applesauce halibut spaceship moonbeam? totally bro.

SYFFAL: You listen to Aesop Rock too! Over the past few days, I've noticed that your album not only leaked on the internet, but it leaked HARD, meaning, my mom was tweeting about catching the leak mad early and shit bro. Why do you think your music is such a hit with the internet piracy sector of the earth and what message do you have for those folks?

Blockhead: I think people love free shit, and my music, when uploaded illegally, fits that description perfectly. Your mom, however, does not have my consent so tell her I will be sending the authorities her way. SHE WILL BE MADE AN EXAMPLE.

SYFFAL: Speaking of pirates, what would your pirate name be if you were a pirate born on a pile of shit? Mine would be Odephus "Jesus Enslaver" Ringwormbeard.

Blockhead: Does being born on a pile of shit play into the same? If so, I'd imagine I'd be called something like Funky "Stinkbaby" Mcshitpile. Obviously, I'd be irish.

SYFFAL: Hold your tongue and say "I was born on a pirate ship" Blockhead, come the Fuck on. When you went full on vegan for that week in college, what results were you expecting from the dietary transformation?

Blockhead: Besides catching herpes from a tofu pup, there were no results to speak of.

SYFFAL: If you could tell any of your dearest friends they are a piece of shit, who would you tell such a thing to?

Blockhead: Most of my friends are pieces of shit. I could be at a party, put a blindfold on, get spun around and just randomly point at someone and be completely justified in calling them a piece of shit. So, answer: ALL OF THE ABOVE.

SYFFAL: Your new album seems so fucking tired and played out when it comes to song architecture bro. As a trendsetterz, why didn't you try a diff approaches and shit bro? Like, it's always intro>beat>awesome>drop beat/keep awesome>beat>outro. Why don't you ever use your outros as intros bro? Why don't you ever drop the beat as the outro? Why don't you ever start the song before the song actually starts and then when people are all "oh, sweet, the song is starting" you play the outro, and then when peoples is all like "oh, I guess it's time to get a snack" you just bust in with the illest intro into silence like ever?

Blockhead: I'll take that into consideration for my upcoming creations. I'm thinking of branching out into whimper-hop anyway. That's where you just loop yourself quietly weeping into a pillow but, every 8 bars, add a run DMC stab. It's gonna be huge.

SYFFAL: Sounds like something big in Canada. I have this friend named Reggie, you might now him from the internet, but he is a piece of shit, not as big of a piece of shit as my friend Del LeFevre who is just the hugest piece of shit, but a piece of shit he is bro. What would you tell Reggie to help him combat his severe case of being a piece of shit?

Blockhead: I do know Reggie. He's a cyber bully and needs to be taken down. I would tell him "hey man…not cool…", shrug my shoulder and walk off like a white pussy.

SYFFAL: Just one shoulder? You ARE a pussy. You have worked with some of the biggest names in music, but still no Charlotte Church. What's the deal? Racist much?

Blockhead: I believe in the separation between Church and Great. GET IT? I just killed that question.

SYFFAL: *Slow clap by one dude in diner, who is slowly joined by three other people, that's it, so they get uncomfortable and stop clapping and sit back down.* Since your record label didn't do a very good job of stopping people from illegally downloading your new album before it was releasedz, which is pretty meh on their part bro, are you planning on releasing a mock new album with awesome album art and sample clearances and a huge media blitz and then leak the album to the torrentzerz and then unleash the most deadly computer virus known to manz when people get to the 6:66 mark of the 6th track?

Blockhead: I wish I had thought about that before. I'm afraid it's too late. Apparently, the links have all been taken down (TRUE STORY) so I will not be forced to ruin musical pirates lives. They should thanks me.

SYFFAL: Pluralz? The work you've done with Brian Austin Greene, that's what's dropping on the 7inch correct? How did that collabo come about?

Blockhead: It's all a ploy for me to get in a room alone with his wife/girlfriend. Also, I was kinda hoping he could show me some dance steps and introduce me to the Pharcyde.

SYFFAL: After your new album is officially released, what other free music that you expected to make money on will be leaked to the interwebs?

Blockhead: I'll answer this like a real question...okay?

SYFFAL: NO Fuck THAT BLOCKHEAD.

Blockhead: I got a bunch of albums and ep's in the works with rappers I really like.

SYFFAL: EP's? Like the EP takes possession of whatever comes after EP's? Don't you mean EPs? The Fuck bro.

Blockhead: Ahem. Those artists include Illogic, Open Mike Eagle, Billy Woods and Marq Spekt. I'm trying to have a prolific next few years and make no money at all from record sales.

SYFFAL: With those rappers, I'm sure that dream will soon be a shockingly poor future bro. What's this I hear of you producing a band with a chick singer with a delicious thyroid? Please to expound on this.

Blockhead: I believe you're referring to the lovely Joanna Erdos. She's a singer in a group called "The Midnight Show" and she, guitarist Damien Paris, mutli-instrumentalist Jeremy Gibson and I are in a group called "The Mighty Jones". We got an ep done… we're just kinda waiting to drop that shit.

SYFFAL: When this drops, will it be dropped like it is hot? How much have you and I become friends after we survived this interviewz together?

Blockhead: You're like my favorite guy in the platoon. Like, when you get cut down by enemy fire, I'd earnestly consider carrying your soon to be dead body with me to safety, right before I think rationally and just bounce cause, come on, you're gonna die regardless.

SYFFAL: So can I tell people we're besties then?

Blockhead: You're no Reggie.

SYFFAL: *SCOFF!! YOU COCK!