Joel's note: We don't have guest bloggers very often. Matter of fact, I think we've only extended the invitation a handful of times, and most of those invitations ended with us not following through because many musicians find themselves funnier than they actually are.
When we asked Broken Anchor (one of my favorite new bands) to guest write a piece through email, as I was on the toilet, I expected to hear nothing back. But then this dude Austin (the string plucker in Broken Anchor) sent this back, and after reading I'm sure you'll understand why this dude might come back at least once a month, because HE'S ACTUALLY FUNNY. And he's actually fucking talented, so let's all grab our leather pants and read what a rock musician says about whatever topic I initially asked him about. ME NO REMEMBER, I WAS ON TERLET.
GUEST BLOGGER, AUSTIN HARTLEY-LEONARD FROM THE BAND BROKEN ANCHOR, GO:
I was recently asked by the purveyor of my #1 favorite blog to write a piece called "Why being a musician sucks in 2013." I had mixed feelings about this because there is still a tiny spark inside the deep, dark, cold, hostile, burned out, lifeless cave that is my soul that wants to believe the following sentence: "Being a musician doesn't suck." But this just in….being a musician sucks in 2013. Let me run down four reasons that you probably already know.
1. The only people who care about albums will not buy them. The people who don't care about albums are buying them. Miley Cyrus could give a Fuck about the "emotional arc" of her full length record. But holy balls is she selling a lot of them. You know who isn't? YOUR FAVORITE ARTIST. Did you buy that last Wilco record? Oh, you listened to it on Spotify? Oh, you watched their Letterman performance on YouTube? Gotcha. Hey, how was track #6? Pretty good? Yeah, Jeff Tweedy puts a lot into every song….really tries to make that album flow as one big artistic statement. Good thing his core fan base are a BUNCH OF CHEAP MUSIC SNOB FuckS.
2. Everyone assumes you suck. It's the only profession on earth where as soon as you tell someone what you do, the immediate assumption is that you suck.
You go to a party.
Someone asks you what you do.
You say "I'm a musician"
"Oh cool, what do you play?"
"Guitar, and I also sing."
"Oh cool, what's your band called."
"Broken Anchor."
"Oh cool."
THIS PERSON ASSUMES YOU SUCK. GUARANTEED. Can you imagine if this was the knee jerk reaction in any other profession?
"What do you do?"
"I'm a plumber."
"Oh cool…(walks away)…that guy probably couldn't install a toilet main to save his Fuckin life."
3. There's no money. I do a lot as a musician. I have written commercial jingles, written sound libraries for television networks, had my songs placed in 20+ TV shows, backed up other musicians on tour, and scored a few independent films. And for some reason health insurance continued to elude me until like 8 weeks ago. Everyone has a website and Facebook page. Everyone has Pro Tools and can make a decent sounding recording in their mom's closet. But NO ONE GIVES A Fuck UNTIL SOMEONE GIVES A Fuck AND THEN EVERYONE GIVES A Fuck UNTIL NO ONE GIVES A Fuck AGAIN.
4. No one is happy. Ask any musician if they are happy. Then again, don't. Let me spare you the agony of their answer. Wanna hear about a conversation I recently had?
"What do you do?"
"I play the bass."
"Oh cool, who do you play with?"
"Tom Waits."
"Holy crap Tom Waits!?!? That's amazing!!! Congratulations!! Is it awesome!?!?
"I mean…I dunno…yeah I guess…I miss my kids though."
"…"
Or how about…
"What do you do?"
"I'm a producer, I have my own studio."
"Oh man, that's the dream, just make great records all day."
"Ha…I wish…you wouldn't believe the projects I have to take on to keep the lights on in that place."
"…."
So that's that. It's a thankless gig (no pun intended…ya know what…PUN INTENDED). But…I will say this. Are you sort of unattractive but have access to a leather coat and a set of drums? Do you like whiskey? Congrats, you just earned your way into the pants of 93% of the women currently roaming the earth.