Love Dad

I am knee deep in the longest musical depression of my adult life.  Since November 6th, 2016, I haven't had the patience to listen to a new album on the whole. I used to listen to life without skipping a damn thing. Since November 6th, 2016, I haven't wanted anything to do with the things music makes me feel. Music used to make me feel like I could walk into anything naked. Since November 6th, 2016, I've replaced my hunger for music and somehow become completely absorbed with the daily news cycle. I turn anxious within hours of not knowing what news is breaking.  In breaking news I'm fucking broken.  If it isn't AP News on Spotify at the top of every hour, it's a daily news podcast giving me all I need to know for the day. If I'm not listening to something like the news, I've taken to...

(It feels overly American to start writing something with a single word that's as annoying as "like", but I don't know how else to start writing this thing.) Like. Music is more than incredibly important to me. Music is the only non-wife/kids thing I look forward to wholeheartedly. If I had to choose between my sight and my hearing, I'd thank you for blinding me. Being in the room with music is incredibly important to me. Whether it's being played, being spun, or being created directly the fuck in front of me, music is its own reward. I exhaustedly cherish and religiously genuflect at the mere thought of listening to music, but being there when it's unfolding live in front of me is it. Live music, when it's in front of you, is the ultimate exchange of energy and its inspiring capabilities...

If you've ever been in a band before, you've probably plastered at least a portion of a wall inside your memory bank with posters depicting the rock and roll dreams of your youth. What you remember happening versus what actually happened might not entirely match up 100%, but no one can argue the fact that the bright lights, the flashed titties, and the face melting guitar solos somehow made you who you are.  Granted, you wouldn't have those memories without a supporting cast, and even though you might've been more of a supporting cast member than a lead role, you made something fucking awesome once upon a time. But you made that something awesome with people who were gracious enough to allow you the privilege of creating alongside them. The people you have made or make music with hold a...

Guys, I don't like being an asshoel Joel, but I don't think most of you understand you're doing it wrong. I'm sure I'll come up with more after you assholes send in more music that's disgustingly packaged, but hey, here are another few examples of where you NEED TO GET YOUR FUCKING SHIT TOGETHER. 6. Send links to videos, not video "channels" Some dude went through the hassle of filling out a music submission form on our site, and then instead of sending anything specific, he just dropped his "youtube channel" link in there. Seeing as we're not assholes and do our best to listen to every submission (unless you say you're a "hip hop artist" or a "rapper", then I just forward it to Tom, because TOM IS HIP HOP), we click, we see 17 videos and none of them are music videos....

1. Know how to play music This seems sarcastic, I'm sure, but this is number one for a reason. If your cousin just got protools and you started messing around while slightly intoxicated and you came up with a hook for a song with no verses and no real way of ending, don't rush off to Facebook and create an artist page just yet. It's important that you have actual music worth sharing before you start spending a shitload of time spreading it. I don't want to shit in your peanut buster parfait, but "your boy" telling you your "shit is fire son" is not a good enough reason to start calling yourself an artist and asking music blogs and other innocent humans to listen to your music bro. 2. Know how to record music, or know someone who does This is pretty important, if not more important than...

Death is weird for me to begin with. I'm constantly reminding myself of the feelings I held after the last friend of mine killed himself. I was dismissive of any other explanation besides it being his fucking fault. I hurt from every fucking angle. When people talked about the best parts about him, I almost fucking Matrix dodged that shit in an attempt to forget about the things that made him so important to me. I wanted to forget what I loved about him just to shut down the memory of him that hit me first every time I thought about him. I wanted what hurt me the most about the general topic of suicide to hurt less than the specific memory of the one friend of mine I never imagined would do it. I wanted the ability to say or think his name and it not fucking hurt. I just wanted to...

SYFFAL receives a shitload of music on a daily basis. That isn't us bragging, it's just the nature of the yeast bro. What we've done over the past three years is try to insert some sense of fucking logic into the decisions you fuckers make when it comes to getting your name out there for blogs that are a bigtittytruckload more important than us coozewafers. We keep throwing you assdicks bones, but some of you shitswallowers haven't heard the fucking news bro. Here is a quick rundown on some previously potentially positive position papers we have given you to make you less of a fucking hosebeast and more of a, say, band we actually fucking listen to: We crafted a profane and verbally abusive missive on the proper way to submit music to blogs.  We told you what things you were doing to...

I'm pissed off motherfuckers. All of you talented and not so talented (I'm looking at you Ireland) musicians and artists out there are fucking up. And it's not like I'm shitting on your music right now, that shit might suck fucking cock, but I'm talking about something as sim-fucking-ple as you PUTTING YOUR GODDAMN NAME ON YOUR GODDAMN MUSIC for fuck's sake. If I had a blowjob for as many times I unzip an album from a fucking band that hasn't been properly tagged, I would have a pruned fucking pecker goddamnit. What the fuck is wrong with you shitdicks? If you want someone to fucking listen to, potentially enjoy and then fucking talk about your fucking music, FUCKING PUT YOUR NAME ON IT FOR FUCK'S SAKE YOU TITTYSHITTING SHIT TITS. I realize that some of you are internally saying "fuck...

Disclaimer: Yes, this has nothing to do with music, the band that I stuck around for, Bubbly Creek Bluegrass, (a bluegrass band yes!) was fucking awesome. So there. Music shit out of the way. Two Brothers Disclaimer: I love many of your beers. I have spent in upwards of a thousand dollars over the past few years choosing your product over others. I have visited your brewery for tours six times in two years. I almost died of a burst appendix on your property. The following article is written out of disappointment, not spite. Please fix your festival. I attended the Two Brothers Brewery Hop Juice Festival a few days ago. I brought my three hilarious children and my gorgeous wife. I did not stay long. And in the process of...

5. the nuclear fear mongering on behalf of the media I understand that shit is scary right now. I also understand that the majority of the earth's population doesn't know SHIT about nuclear power. What I don't understand is why certain media outlets feel it necessary to not only blow things out of proportion, but to directly contradict their published materials from one article to the next. If you understand nuclear power, and how it could relieve us of our dependence on fossil fuels and foreign sources of oil, you might actually understand the amount of safeguards in place to protect the earth when these power plants are being constructed. Not only that, but look at who we're talking about in regards to building shit. The Japanese are the best in so many engineering categories it's not...