Cas One

I've loved this dude as a friend for a long time. I loved him as a friend before I had even became actual friends with him. The fact that he raps alls goods is secondary to how much I even like thinking about hanging out with him and slamming pogs and playing ninja gaiden and shit.

While we have shared the same internet spaces together, we've also virtually shared the highs and lows of life and the uphill, sticky and snotty battle of parenthood together. Sure, sometimes it's as simple as an Instagram notification that dude liked a picture of something I took the time to capture and share, but other times it's the one on one direct messages of encouragement back and forth, or the "I'm sorry dude" back and forth, or the "fuck man, I love you" that might seem uncommon when you're talking about the internet and more specifically when you're talking about anything having to do with hip hop. 

But scroll through the soundcloud comments on this song. Flip through the comments on the facebook thread of his sharing this track. Read them.

Cas One just dropped one of the most vulterable and painful tracks I've ever listened to, and those of us who share in that vulnerability are also the first ones to reply "fuck man, I love you" because while we might not be in his specific situation, we're in our own situation specifically, and the vulnerability still applies.

"Happy Anniversary" kills me. 

As a doing-my-best-to-be-happily married man, I work the hardest on loving my wife the way I feel she deserves. Does it make me super protective and jealous sometimes? Yes. Does it make me angry for reasons outside of my understanding? Yes. Does it make me an asshole? Yes. Does it make me unbelievably depressed just falling down through the internal dialogue of my self doubt? All the fucking time. 

I am my own worst critic, I fail to give my self permission to hurt, I play the martyr unconsciously I'm so fucking good at playing that part. 

I didn't fully hunch over until the last 2 seconds of this song. After that my face fucking leaked like a freshly thawed spigot on the side of my house come spring. 

Cas One. Fuck man, I love you.