Our Interview with Cas One

I’ve known this kid Jake on the internet for a few years now. We have a lot in common besides just our skin color and our affinity for spandex and white wine. Hell, our kids are breathing the same oxygen and we share his wife as an instagram follower, we’re practically related bro.

When Jacob (THAT’S CAS ONE BRO) mentioned he was dropping the video for the track I almost got tattooed on my grundle from last year’s The Monster and The Wishing Well, I texted him a picture of my underwear drawer and demanded premiere status at SYFFAL. Cas obliged, not because he felt obligated, but because I threatened to go back through his Facebook status history and like something so-not-hip-hop from like 2011. And that made the perfectly pomade-d hair on his head stay exactly where it was because of all the pomade.

I SCORED THE PREMIERE! And I also scored an interview.

We picked a location for the interview to go down (yes code) half way between Indiana and the Chicago suburb where I live with my three children and gorgeous wife. It was a Russian bath house that specialized in non-homophobic shit talk in a language neither of us spoke. So that was nice.

WE GOT DEEP (yes code). WE GOT PASTRIES (yes pastries). WE EXCHANGED DIVE BAR TSHIRTS (I’m lying).

Our interview with Cas One, starts, comma, now:

SYFFAL: So Cas One, you are NOT the only Cas out there. I already know this. I know the number one Kaz, and HIS name is Kaz One, and his real name is Corey, so I sorta see where his Kaz comes from. BUT IF I CARED I WOULD ASK YOU WHERE YOUR CAS CAME FROM, but I don't fucking care, because this isn't sexyindierapstars.com (anymore). SO, first question, what the fuck makes you think you can drop a video for an album that's a year old? DON'T YOUS KNOWS THAT OUR COLLECTIVE ATTENTION SPAN IS ONLY jesus fuck I really wanna burrito.

Cas One: I'll be the Tim to your Eric in this interview. To answer your question honestly is that I don't believe in fast food music. I wanted to do a video for the 1st birthday of The Monster and The Wishing Well album. This is probably my favorite song on it based on the mood alone...Every person that watches this or reads this gets a fucking burrito just holler at me with your social security number and last 4 degits of your major credit card.

SYFFAL: If you were in a ska band, and let's say you were left handed, would you opt to do the most of the driving of the van because it's your dominant hand? But what would your wallet chain be doing during all of the ska? Can you contract meningitis from sprouting your own mung beans?

Cas One: If I was in a ska band you would be my bass player and we would be on tour with the Mighty Might Boss Tones and we would be opening for Smash mouth and we wouldn't need a tour bus because we wouldn't get booked. My wallet chain would be hooked through the hole of an Atmosphere CD I kept in my back pocket so that I could pull it out at the ready and have something to talk about with hot chix. I dunno about mung beans but I know Ming from Comic Book Guys that dudes tight.

SYFFAL: What would you call yourself if you found out that you weren't actually the first Cas? I know we already discussed this briefly above, I just feel hung up on you assuming you're the number one Cas. I think it's presumptuous of you actually. And I know that's a trait of most rappers, but I would MUCH rather you think you're the best rapper than to think you're the number one Cas. Help me get over this Cashurdle bro.

Cas One: I wish I didn't have this name. I know of Kaz One, he's a cool and really talented dude. I fucked up getting so fucking famous off this name.

SYFFAL: Kaz One is also a pretty successful tuck pointer, so there's that. Oh, and his calves, they're chiseled out of muscular satin bro. Mmmhmm. My friend Tom has like the cutest chin. Pick nine of your real life friends and compliment them on any of their physical attributes. But do it cool. Like, don't make yourself sound like a dick, or too picky about other dudes, but speak from the heart. We're all friends here bro (at least we used to be).

Cas One: I don't want any of my friends to think that I wouldn't fuck them. But If I had to fuck just nine of them it would start with Eric (The Guy That Produced all these beats) because he does Yoga and shit so I know he wouldn't be no slouch in the sack. He's in tune with his emotions and shit so I'm assuming he would be in touch with mine and want to please me. I'd say Prolyphic too he's got nice eyes, he reminds me of that jewish guy from the pianist but Pro raps better. My Buddy Bitter Stephens has strong hands I wanna give some props to those hands and the good back rubs they probably give. Employee from SYFFAL isn't my friend, but I really like his mysterious side. Sage Francis has a love for cats so I know that he would be tender to talk to on cold Rhode Island nights, I feel like he would keep me warm and say some inspiring shit to me that made me feel good about myself poetically. Seez Mics has a fucking really attractive beard. Kid Kollission is pocket size and he would be able to get behind the fridge and retrieve my keys no problem...that's valuable. Sean little is really dreamy, probably my most handsome friend and super Christian so that means he would have good eating tips and is good with money. Figure is dirty but there is a certain mystique to that which makes me rock hard.

SYFFAL: I am really happy all of those dropped names didn't fall on your foots bros, that woulda hurtsed. If you had to do without, what would you rather be without (seeing as you being without something is required in this situation I am painting where you have to be without something): that bomb ass toilet paper or da game?

Cas One: I straight shit on da game so I need toilet paper. WOOOOOOOORLLLDD STTTAAAAAAAAARRRRR!

SYFFAL: When did you step into da game?

Cas One: I would never step to Da Game, This dude is like 6'9 and from Compton and he has ties to the Bloodz. Possibly is the leader of The Bloodz.

SYFFAL: As a white rapper, you must get a lot of assumptions made about you. Much like white acoustic guitar players get called Dave Matthews and shit bro. What's the best way for me to become better at chopping onions? I mean, I feel like I can totally peel off dat brown paper thingy shits, and then chop off the nipple and the bottom nipple, and then chop in half, and then do a few half onion rings, but dicing bro? DICING from THIS BRO aint NICING bro. You feel the steeze I be creepin' on a come up on bro?

Cas One: You want some life hacks,eh? My wife takes a zip lock bag and wears it over her head while she chops onions and leaves the crying to thugs. Aside from that a steady onslaught of karate chops will get you pretty far in life and with onions.

SYFFAL: What is your strength as it pertains to domestic life? Figuratively or literally, either one.

Cas One: Basically, Fucking.

SYFFAL: Tell all the fine people how close me and your wife are as internet best friends. I mean, we heart each other's instagramz all the THYME bro. We're like, besties. It must get pretty uncomfortable knowing that I know what color your stool is before it hits the toilet water, but hey bro, I didn't choose THIS game, THIS game chose ME.

Cas One: My wife will follow anyone on instagram that has taking a picture of kids and applied a filter to it. Don't pat yourself on the back,BUD.

SYFFAL: Oh SHUT UP bro. She double taps my face all the time bro. THAT'S MMMHMMM. When people capitalize words in sentences on the internet, can you promise to raise your eyebrows every time you come to a capitalized word?

Cas One: I can only promise to read their sentences with a lisp.

SYFFAL: Cheese BALLS and kitten RHYTHM, seesaw BENJI and Poughkeepsie SHE SHEETS. I ringle ringWORM across the setting SUN, makin bacon while the cupcakes is BAKIN, spread the wealth for TORTURE chess match. Excellent work bro.

Cas One: Ah, I wouldn't consider Aesop Rock a direct influence but I do enjoy his music quite a bit.

SYFFAL: I LOVE YOU(r wife)

Cas One: You're*

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