Ceschi feat. Sammus

The first time I listened through the new Ceschi album I got stuck on one track, "Middle Earth".

Like, I ain't saying I went through it a few times, I mean I fucking spent four days putting it top to bottom, top to bottom, over and over and over and over.

There were like three spots in the song that fucking had me in the gut over the first few hours with it and I hadn't even made it to the two minute mark. No bullshit. Who the fuck thinks these thoughts that I've been thinking and pukes them out so fucking perfectly?

1. 0:56 - "How many times have I said the same thing in new ways till I think it's the way that my life's gonna be and I guess that's ok."
2. 1:24 - "Realize I will never blow up, and that's fine. I'm not going to Cornell or Lane.
   I'm just floating inside my own lane.
   Every word that I'm singing is plain.
   Just hoping that someone out there can relate.
   And there's times that I hate my brain."
3. 1:53 - "The connection between living things is a powerful thing, and that's real to us."

Holy fuck.

re: #1 - Why the fuck do I say "this is how my life's gonna be?" to myself in my own head when I know this life shit rewrites itself every three months anyway? I only have control of my attitude in the moment, I think everything else is sort of just what should happen when I knew when to stomp my foot or duck or smile and nod. I'ma be good now, maw. Freal. 

Holy fuck.

re: #2 - I'm gonna be someone's husband and a few people's dad ya'll. That's it. I think I'm good with it, I'm not getting a new degree or reinventing something or breaking banks bros. I like boring things, but think I took a pretty cool way of arriving at enjoying simply loving being around my wife, not wearing underwear on occasion and (most) people not knowing, watching my kids make other people uncomfortable, and copious amounts of laughter. But DAMN to I beat the ever fucking loving shit out of myself upstairs, yo. Damn. 

Holy fuck.

re: #3 - So this is what's gonna get tattooed on the ol' chest backwards next to my other one. I sometimes feel stupid for simply enjoying knowing people and loving them as friends and shit, but my connections are my favorite. Like you even reading this shit, hey thanks, I hope your next meal is fucking galdarn delicious and you get new socks soon, because there's nothin' greater than hoping you get to enjoy two things that you'd enjoy because they're fucking enjoyable,. 

And then I'm supposed to just somehow understand what I was experiencing when first hearing Sammus, right? What the fuck just happened? Is this woman calmly and completely encapsulating the anxieties of my late 30's as they pertain to my "career success" and my own ability to understand if I'm even doing the right fucking thing with my life even though I'm perpetually exhausted and wondering if I'm steadily working to impress people that aren't even THERE to impress?

I almost feel like I could write a book on just the shit I thought through while immersed in this single fucking track, and while I didn't have time to dive deep into every track in order to write an album review or anything, when I just saw this video dropped today I knew I owed it to Ceschi to sort of explain his own music to him, ya know?

HEY GUY, HERE'S WHAT YOU'RE SAYING RIGHT HERE. AND THEN HEY GUY. HERE'S WHAT YOU REALLY MEAN, GUY GUY. 

Dear Ceschi, thanks for writing this for me and letting me write this for you. I love you. Thank you for existing in the world I am currently also existing in, because you make this shit way more hip hop and there's nothing cooler than a near 40 year old bald white father of three incorrectly rapping rap lyrics over an indie rap song that makes him weep when he raps along. 

So hip hop.