Open Mike Eagle and Paul White

What’s up, everybody? 

It’s been a while. 

How’s life? 

I’m good. And for the first time in a minute. 

Been pilfering time while listening to the crickets. 

I went on a twelve mile solo hike. 

It felt like was recovering from a cobra bite. 

Life has a funny way of teaching you

the important lessons that you need, dude. 

Today I came out of my apartment and

didn’t even feel like a contortionist.

My face flexed into a smile at times

and even when I got choked up was genuine.

I’ve been meticulously putting all the cards back

after I felt erroneously like I could discard that.

Even though I blew them down on purpose,

all it did was skew things for worthless.

After weeks of feeling sickened for her,

turns out, I need some brick and mortar.

But now I’m back and I’m feeling fine. 

Spring seems the perfect season for some cleaning time. 

And so I went and ventured outside today. 

And now I want to out loudly say: 

I missed the fucking shit out of you guys. We all write for the fucking website out of love for music and the community it offers. We don't get paid. But so, so many of you guys have reached out to me and offered support and well-wishes and encouragement. And I can’t properly express how good that felt. Or how important it was. Or how I unworthy I felt. But it left me feeling rich as fuck. 

I Brandoed the fucking shit out of my life. I have a way of burning it all down. But I feel like this time, it was somehow fireproof. No matter how hard I tried, not matter how violently I rattled the cage, no matter how venom-tongued my defenses, no matter how many times I fled the scene, I’ve stumbled upon something real. 

It took all I had to really believe it.

And I’m only just now learning how to truly cherish it. 

I haven’t been listening to any music. At all. It’s like I didn’t feel worthy. It was like I needed some time away from all the emotions so eloquently offered by my favorite artists. It was all too much for the pain and guilt and regret I was feeling. I felt like I let everyone down. 

But Open Mike Eagle’s “I Went Outside” feat. Aesop Rock from his newest record, Hella Personal Film Festival produced by Paul White was just the reminder I required. With his trademark wit (“I feel so fly today / emerged from my very narrow heel-toe hideaway / my bad like what people that steal old lighters say / I told the emperor to get real clothes right away.”), Open Mike Eagle has a way of extending his hand to his listeners. He connects in such a human way. It’s wholly unpretentious music from a man who, given his recent accolades and accomplishments, could full well be pretentious as fuck. 

As I ventured back into the saved links and ignored emails, I was chagrined by how pointed Open Mike’s narrative can be. Its apologetic honesty is medicine. It’s mitigative. His voice doesn’t carry the pain away. But it makes it better. It reminds you that you aren’t alone, that you aren’t the only one who feels things, that, for what it’s worth, I’m normal. We all are. 

I fucked up. I was a sad, small little man. My actions were reprehensible. And after realizing that, needed to be away. I was healing. Licking my wounds. Repairing things that needed deep infrastructural work. So I took some time away. Things are a little better now. I missed you guys. I missed sharing my life through the music I love. I feel better and I’m lucky to have come out of it stronger than I think I’ve ever been. Open Mike Eagle and Paul White had just the right song at just the right time to allow me to write again. I was ready to go outside again today.