Vinyl Cape

Fall is upon us. It even rained twice this week here is the dry-mouthed and heaving Los Angeles. For much of the country the leaves are turning, much like my stomach at some of America’s Halloween costume choices.

This year, do us all a favor: skip dressing up like anyone murdered by the police. Skip dressing up like any sports players that infamously beats their significant others. Skip the heavy-handed trans-bashing. It’s not funny, nor clever.

Just last night while perusing my local Party City, amongst the begging children and sexy Pocahontas outfits, bro bros were all, “You gotta be careful not offend these LGBTQRSVH peeps or whatever…and shit.” I was annoyed at first, but then I thought, he’s right.

Zombie Hillary. Yeah. Maybe, but what are you really trying to say? While Cliven Bundy’s kids faces are Halloween mask-ready, is our All Hallow’s Eve really the place for such discourse? I know you really want to break out that Cosby sweater, and there’s always room for Jello, but, bro! No! Sexual assault isn’t a costume you get to just take off. 

Put the “Muslim extremist” costume back on the shelf. And, GIRL!, save the Indian headdress for Coachella.

It’s fucking October and this year, I’m skipping the truly offensive shit and dressing up like Brzowski for Halloween. I basically just need a vampire cape, a Motorhead T-shirt, shave the stache, suck in and remember how to rap my ass off. 

Maine’s rap duo Brzowski and C Money Burnz moonlight, along with DJ Mo Niklz, as doom rap duo Vinyl Cape and they really know how to slow dance with the devil in its pale light. If you’re into a sprankling of scream-o and metal on your raps, despite your terrible idea to dress up like a Donald Trump piñata, you’ll think this is huge! 

Put this shit on an iPod and stash it in your pumpkin, and scare all the little kiddos! Just remember before you go to bed to take it out and replace it with a flash drive full of files for the teenagers to smash later. 

I know, I know, it’s Halloween. But dress just up like a sexy fucking crayon, drink your pumpkin beer stashed in your little red wagon, and white-girl whoop with your friend like the rest of us.