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I was once considered a member of Stone Cold Fox. But something happened that one fateful night, and all I really remember is waking up the following morning with a bowl of canned Dole pineapples on my naked chest and a single tic tac resting on my urethra.  But that... That was a long time ago. ANYWHOOOOOO I love how on the new jam "Contagion", Stone Cold Fox sounds like a vulnerable Queens of the Stone Age playing Arctic Monkeys for a Halloween party. The fact that they keep changing their finishing move means I get to re-introduce myself to these assholes every time they drop something fresh. Stone Cold Fox might have just convinced me to consider tightening my jeans and investing in that horizontally striped henly I've been eyeing at the store where everyone who works there...

Normally artists with only two available singles still have a shitload of work to do before their music gets talked about on the internets. Either they put in the fucking work or they're somebody's cousin or sibling and people are sucking them off because they want the cousin or sibling to notice them. Thankfully, no one cares about our opinions besides each other (and there's only four of us contributing now, so our circle jerk sessions mean we can see into each other's eyes the reflection of ourselves masturbating), because I was just shut the fuck up by the song "Memories" from Andrea Silva. With a whisper-sing sung over a silently lofi'd yet shimmering hifi beat, Silva takes the elegant and makes it somehow pulse. I love how the rhythm is almost double time and she's still...

AUDEGO feel like friends to me. Every single time I receive an email from these fuckers I'm reminded of how much I love their loose-kneed whisper pleading and electro-thwap pop shits.  Their latest single "Side Effects" takes that aforementioned 'loose-kneed whisper pleading over electro-thwap pop shits' and gives it a little peek up the skirt. With as bare as this track seems, it's amazing how the vocals alone and then stacked form the tick-tick-tick-swirls into something resembling a foundation. At the 2:30 mark I've leapt out of my jorts and continued with the juke vogue I've been performing in my mind and inspired a new generation of white people with as much fucking style as me bros. If you don't love this band as much as I do, you've been trying too hard to find music you...

If you've ever been in a band before, you've probably plastered at least a portion of a wall inside your memory bank with posters depicting the rock and roll dreams of your youth. What you remember happening versus what actually happened might not entirely match up 100%, but no one can argue the fact that the bright lights, the flashed titties, and the face melting guitar solos somehow made you who you are.  Granted, you wouldn't have those memories without a supporting cast, and even though you might've been more of a supporting cast member than a lead role, you made something fucking awesome once upon a time. But you made that something awesome with people who were gracious enough to allow you the privilege of creating alongside them. The people you have made or make music with hold a...

One of our favorite production duos and fine cheese connoisseurs, Morbidly-O-Beats and Hoot are gutter$nipe$. Their first single is "DOUBLEBAGGED". It's like Peewee Herman jackin it in the back of a XXX short attention span theatre. Give me a moment to get the soles of my shoes unstuck from the floor and my zipper up. With each violent flip of image or ass, of somehow soulful yet sedated sample or precise partition of polyrhythmic poonanny, the track goes all Clockwork Orange on my penis sculpture. Put it over a loop of fuzzed out, scramble-porn and slow motion double dutch and you have yourself a video that I'd watch. Thanks for keeping us up on the new new, fellers.  Their debut LP, Collected Unconsciousness is out via Hello.L.A. Records on 10.6.2015 with a limited run cassette...

Vampires feed at night. So do pirates. And thanks god LA Cafe delivers 24 hours because so does the rap god, AsimOff. Proprietary partner in the place I party and pick brains at, Shambhala Studios, AsimOff can be found sitting comfortably at the head of the table, eating, smoking, playing FIFA while the bass humming from the afterhours party raging beneath him causes the building to rattle like Northridge circa 1994.  It's in this setting, adjacent to a gorgeous, professional, and barely one year old recording studio with its rich LA punk rock history, that AsimOff creates. With a video on the way, and track after track settling down on his Soundcloud, Mr. Off is way fucking ON!  This latest installment, called, "Paradise" finds our protagonist in narrative mode, weaving a story that is...

I am not currently in the shower. But I could be. This fucking track "Krusht" from Howls feels like I'm in the shower bro. Imagine dat tap water (now with 0.9ng/L or more of the finest fluoride!) slo-mo cascading down my lovely lady lumps and down the insides of my ever-taut quads, passed the bacon wrapped right leg of mine, and pooling around my fancy feast feets, the only scent in the air is the humidity, and of course the cocoa butter manwash I wash my entire man with. I love how something can immediately make me feel moist like a brownie almost instantly. "Krusht" might hit you differently, but either way, I understand why you're walking in slo-mo, because I'm doing it too. We don't have to share why bro, the knowing and slightly erotic nod betwixt us is all we need...

Why do I read internet comments? Having an adamant stance on something that is subjective just proves that you (and this is not subjective) are a shit-faced piece of face shit.  Just because you are anonomously commenting on the computer doesn't give you an excuse to be a shit-faced piece of face shit to another person. If you think you can teach your opinions to another piece of face shit then you are a NAIVE shit-faced piece of face shit. Am I going to do the same thing below that I preach against in point #3? Guilty.  Should I not be asking myself questions and follwoing them up with an immediate answer? Definitely.  This brings me to the subject at hand: Ryan Adams cover of Taylor Swift's 1989. If you haven't noticed the shit is plastered all over the the interenet and arguments are...