Articles

Before we jump into this, I'd like to apologize (if anybody cares) for missing last month. But I wasn't feeling 10 songs. Not because there wasn't anything good, but because I got sucked into a few albums and didn't want to listen to anything else.  SO, I combined August and September into one list that I'm very proud of. If you want to feel chill then listen to the beginning. If you want to move in your seat like your subtly trying to relieve that corn hole itch because you are at work and don't want to poke a finger in your bum, then listen to the end.  Without further adieu......  Bon Iver - 8 (circle): I'm honestly really surprised how much everybody i sucking off this Bon Iver album. I'm not coming from the place of a hater because I'm a huge fan, but I can't get into this album at...

Ballerina Black are my favorite trenchcoat wearing 80's synth warriors. These guys take overcast skies and black denim, smoosh them together, and make shit sexy as fuck.  Over the last two tree four years I've relied upon their disinterested sass to make the drab reality of life in America palatable. And while I always imagine I'm wearing a collared jacket that I can then turn up the collar against the wind and cold even when it's 75F and sunny, they have warmed all of my cockles.  If you didn't already know, I'm known for my cockles.  "Telepathy" is dancy without being corny, retro without sounding tinny, but what I'm noticing more and more is that all of the latest releases from Ballerina Black all make me want to wear driving gloves and toss my bangs out of my eyes every few...

Kauf reminds me of a leather chair. NO, WE AIN'T TALKIN' FETISH PLAY BRUH! I was first introduced to Kauf a number of years ago, and back then I had this awesome chair where I would intoxicate myself and listen to music. I attribute the feels of sitting in that comf ass chrrr to more than just the value of the construction and material comfort it afforded me. I owe a lot of that chair's comfort to the music I discovered while sitting in it, in various stages of intoxication. For some obvious reason, Kauf's voice always relaxes me, his beats always soothe me, and I always look like a fucking asshole while listening to him because of the random body movements I am inspired to perform while he is inside of my side face holes. ENTER "Key to Life". That plodding rhythm reminds me of...

Cars & Trains is fucking with us.  Portland’s electronic-folk toy-instrument live-looping god-piece is straight up fucking with us.  He has released Secret Worlds, a new 1-track album scrapped together from remnants of piano/cello sessions with musician William Ryan Fitch and long repressed memories.  What gaul Cars & Trains must have? Releasing a record with 1 fucking track. Next he’ll tell us that he’s going to start including Planes and Razor Scooters.  “Secret Worlds” is tinkling and childlike a it builds and builds and adds new layers on top of new layers until it hums to a frenetic crescendo like a first kiss.  Cars & Trains, you bastard. Getting me all worked up and panting and then you just leave. No note. No number. Just gone. I want more songs, you lazy...

Audego kill me.  That lilt of her voice paired with that fucking thwap of dude's beats, fuck that shit kills me. I'm dead bro. Seriously though, after obsessing over "I don't need you" I'm the human demonstration of what your body would look like if you were one of those toys where the animal is stiff until you push up on the bottom button and then it falls limp. Every stutter start of every verse finds me limp as shit, slowly erecting myself until I'm at full mast, and then the galloping happy happy that the plinking synth exudes makes me fall to the ground in a pile of my own happiness. Audego keep me on my toes broes. Playful, but unbelievably pained and therapeutic. I LOVE THEM. THEY LOVE ME. WE ARE A MATCH MADE IN CHINA. 

I don't think I've heard the end of this song yet.  I can't make it all the way through the 3:38 without starting it over. The start of this song is so fucking perfect I'm almost offended by the remaining 3:10 seconds.  Whoever the fuck From Indian Lakes is, this shit is shimmery, clicky, pleading, and completely fucking gorgeous. I've been closed eyes and neck a floppin' for the last half hour as this song has ruined any chance I had of finishing that last TPS report before lunch. "The Monster" sounds moody enough to be about a dead body, but bright enough to be about 10 for 10 limes on sale this weekend at La Markita on the west side.  I'm not sure if this is pop or rock, but the instrumentation being so eerie and the vocal being so dainty, fuck, it's almost like a project...

I have no idea what to say. For those of us in our mid-30s, Zack de la Rocha's voice makes our bowels rattle. Dude makes my skin vibrate. Dude makes me want to scream until there's nothing left but a whistling whimper. This dude makes me lift weights like I'm saving the oppressed. This dude makes me think thoughts about the problems of people that my white skin normally allows me the pleasure to never have had to experience I can't review this song. I can only share what I think I've been waiting years for, I just can't remember there ever being a moment where I didn't hope this dude would help speak the thoughts I never thought I knew I needed to think. I will say this about "digging for windows", I punched the air on the fifth listen of this shit. Zack de la Rocha, welcome back...

I fucking HAAAAAAAAATE In The Whale. Not like HATE hate, but like dude, I haaaaaaaaate In The Whale. These classy dames are always having fun, smiling brightly, learning from their mistakes (shitty penmanship, previous run ins with the authorities, left handedness), and not wearing pants on Sundays during the football season. As a Bears fan, I haven't been really interested in football because of our suckage, but dude I haaaaaaaaate In The Whale for always having the best time everywhere they go.  WHERE ARE THEY GOING THIS TIME?!?! FUCKING EVERYWHERE! LOOK AT THIS TOUR LIST!  In The Whale - Fall 2016 Tour 09/03 - Rollinsville, CO - RMNPS 09/10 - Englewood, CO - Fiddler's Green Amphitheatre (High Elevation Rock Fest) 09/22 - Austin, TX - Barracudas (Red Bull Sound Select) 09/23 - Lansing,...

As cocktail umbrella season comes to a close, it's time to prepare our respective sex dungeons with seasonal incense, a good vacuuming, and an update of the all important sex playlist. KINDER just showed up with the sassiest sex song of the summer send off. "Stone Cold" makes a motherfucker wanna rub ice cubes all up on his nips and dip each big toe in a pumpkin spice latte and then thrust them hips all up in a northerly direction. Yes, we bought pie pumpkins in September, and YES, those are phallic shaped gourds on the bedside table, and YES, the lube has a faint hint of cinammon and mulling spices. It seems like this KINDER fellow is all about making me feel comfortable with all of the impending sex. And while the beat is helping me Michael Stipe dance across the bedroom, since...