Videos

The best part about Phox is that Jake Gyllenhallz provides their craft services.  The other best thing about Phox, besides all of the sex, is that they're crafty and they're just my type.  "Amor Fati" is a mini documentary documenting the mini documents the band had mini printed and mini bound in a mini leather booklet that is oddly similar in both mini shape and mini aroma to the original necronomicon once featured in such featured films as "Babe: Pig in the City" and "League of Their Own". After watching this video, I've decided to adopt all of these lovable scamps and Mateo. While I don't agree with their choice of stuffed animals to store under the hood of a Free Candy van, I do think Zach is totes into me, and that Mateo is my spirit animal's favorie emoji.  If you're a...

Whenever you find a band that, with every fucking song, makes you perform an interpretive dance where most people watching said interpretive dance can determine that you're a plant emerging from the ground and budding live in front of them, that band's a keeper.  With every song I fall into, I love Amycanbe more.  While I don't pretend to completely understand where they're coming from, I know and appreciate where they seem to take me. It's that slow growing apprehension paired with that comfortable and complacent stare off in the distance, and it arrives both peacefully and dreadfully. It's akin to taking a train (in the rain of course) to pick up a new comforter that you have to hold the whole way back home. Yes, you aren't looking forward to the discomfort of lugging a huge fluffy...

JE Sunde is one of my spirit animals. Dude is as authentic as he is original. Yes, dude is the goofy Egon of folk. Yes, his wardrobe is enviable for those of us who can't fit into anything but a stretched out XL. Yes, his shrill voice means even his speaking voice is endearing. Yes, he's the type to wear buttons on his winter jacket. "Hickory Point in the Fall" is one of my favorite songs off his album Shapes That Kiss The Lips of God, but the imagery that Zach Johnson (DO NOT GOOGLE THIS GUY, THERE ARE NUDE PICTURES OF OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT ZACH WHEN YOU GOOGLE HIMS) delivered on this her videa (YEA VIDEA) is as fucking gorgeous as it is perfect for JE Sunde to exist within.  I love it when my imaginary vibe of an artist turns out to be EXACTLY how they portray themself. If...

Chicago rapper See More Perspective's "Land of the Sandpeople," featuring Guante and produced by Nye, just dorked up my already dork-filled anticipation of the new Star Wars.  I decided the only way to honor such an ode to the galaxy we all so adore would be to create a top ten list of stupid Star Wars rap mashups:  10. C-B4PO 9. Bubba Fett’s backpack rap.  8. Paid in Mos Eisley Cantina drink tickets.  7. Han peep my new Solo EP.  6. R2D N 2 Deep.  5. "Quiet Storm" trooper 4. Darth "Vapors" 3. Jar Jar blings 2. Obi Don “Magic” Juan Kenobi 1. Old Dirty Bantha Enjoy the video, the list, my velvety chest hair, and most importantly the movie. 

I'm already witnessing the Star Wars hate I knew was coming. I know you think the market is oversaturated with cheap Star Wars shit. I know you think it's annoying.  But I don't. The last 50 big movie pushes haven't included me in anything. I mean, I didn't care for Minions, as I prefer my animated characters to have a FUCKING SOUL, but once in a while I want to, as an adult, buy cereal ONLY because my motherfucker Yoda is all up on the box. I don't buy navel oranges, but if they had a fucking X-Wing fighter on the bitch? NARANJA CLOUD CITY BRUH! I completely admit to being just another mindless consumer, but dude, I love Star Wars. All the commercials are aimed at my demographic and I am completely okay with it. Fuck me right? ENTER THE REBEL SCUMBAGS. Are they fucking a gimmick in the...

I remember telling a friend of mine that I hated Of Monsters and Men because they completely side stepped the part of your career when people like us who don't make money off talking about music talked about your music. If you think about it, we were never given the opportunity to help these assholes become who they are today because they didn't need us. That ain't cool bro.  "Wolves Without Teeth" is the new new from OMaM and while I can't stand lyric videos, I'm pretty jacked that they chose the girl from Pixar's Brave for the motherfucker. Bet you seven dollars and the wrinkled up dry cleaning receipt in my ass pocket this song will annoy you come February, but for now, it's nice to get just the tip of some new Of Monsters and Men all up in our squee holes since they've been...

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuude, put this on loud in a dark room and don't fucking blink. This shit from BYSTS is like a highlight film of every desktop computer and smart phone wallpaper ever made, and it's fucking chilling. The scenes with the different colored smoke in slow motion looks like the shit is almost being poured out of whatever the fuck is creating said colored smoke.  I love when a rhythm is perfectly suited for the music played on top of it, and "Speed" is fucking tits. BYSTS have somehow created an alternate soundtrack for that one scene in Ghostbusters after that asshole Peck opens up the captured ghosts storage device and all the shits stream up out the roof of HQ and all over the Manhattan skyline. Oozing evil like a motherfucker, that's BYSTS. And for the record, I...

Just because I won't call it haunted doesn’t mean there aren’t demons inside.  Walter Gross' piercing, dramatic "Clockwise" pulsates to a rhythm of pure suspense. He lives between shoes dropping. He holds you off a balcony and then slows time down. Each breathe extended like a hand with nothing to hold on to. Or like running on the moon. Or like drowning in ecstasy. Or like a mental health day. Or like today.  “Clockwise,” a canvas of gorgeously still and yet anxiety-ridden dreams, hard-cuts to a blank, black screen for a mere flash between scenes. My stupid face reflected back at me in that momentary and unexpected abyss: brow-furrowed, eyes tense, for that primal moment an entire monkey universe of attention being paid to a little laptop screen. It was as if the video was looking back...

I thought this was a 'good song' until I heard the flute. Then I started the fucker over and gave it the ol' eyes shut, head hung off the back of my desk chair, hands in my pockets, complete fucking attention. It seems like this dude Marlowe Grey could've shoved a shitload more into "Midnight In Brooklyn", but he didn't. The mini guitar solos littered all over the floor of this song could've been amplified in volume and length, the flute could've lead a bit more instead of acting like breathy bar chords, the drums could've taken some of the anxiety of the song a few levels higher, but they didn't. I think that Marlowe Grey's restraint in letting the song on the whole lead the fucking dance is admirable, and completely missing in 88% of the music being submitted to SYFFAL.  I...

I consider burgers up there with sex. I am constantly aware of both, constantly needing to express my love of burgers alongside my love of my own sexuality, and I LUST for both; all of the sex and all of the burger. If I could bring food into the bedroom without scorn or greasy sheets, I might consider it. But I can't, so I won't. But if I could, I still might not, because salt grains all up in the kashprinklenitz isn't something I'd consider acceptable. (I once ate a bavarian pretzel in bed and I earned myself a grain of oversized zalt in my urethraschprinkle the following morning. WOOO HA GOT YOU ALL IN CHECK.) I'm not one to necessarily RAP about burgers, but that's mainly because I don't rap, but I WOULD rap about burgers if I could. There's a burger joint by me called Gillerson's...