Soundcloud

I remember it like it was yesterday.......well, because it was yesterday.....  As I dragged my cursor across my bookmarks toolbar on Chrome, I accidentally clicked into Hype Machine. I knew I clicked on something, but at the time I didn't know on what. In a short fit of unreasonable panic I clicked my mouse again, ended up in another tab, got a phone call, and turned the volume down.  After my phone call I turned the voume back up and this powerful and beautiful track was playing. I thought: Who the fuck was singing this song?  I thought: Why do my guts hurt? I thought: Why is it a frigid yet balmy 73 degrees in my under-shorts? I frantically cicked through the 15 browser tabs I had open on my browser. Playing on Hype Machine was Donna Missal and the track was 'Keep Lying...

Dear Radical Face,  Goddamn you fucking asshole, I want to wrestle you to the ground and sit on you until you say you're fucking sorry for always making me feel.  I'm just kidding.  I want give you a huge bear hug. And then kick you in the dick because that's some shit I would do.  If your new teaser song, "Small Hands", is any indication of what we're to expect from your upcoming records (apparently all recorded and on their way down the LP birth canal), then I'm already bibbed-up and salivating. I'm slamming the silverware on the table, brobro. Pass the potatoes.  Love, Brando Radical Face is a knife. Sharp, painful, but effective. True. Radical Face's penchant for ultra-personal imagery, childhood innocence, alternatively celebrated...

Sometimes, all you want is a fucking chorus you can scream, a bass line you can play in the shower, and an air lead guitar you can bend over towards your toes and lick the fuck out of. I don't want to know the intentions behind the lyrics, I don't want to know what cabin the shit was recorded in, I don't want to know what sort of irritable bowels these lads in Rare Monk might have, JUST GIVE ME THE SONG BRO. I ONLY NEED THE FUCKING SONG. Thankfully Rare Monk don't ever really send in the fluffer to get things moving. Rare Monk are their own fluffer and their own fluffer is Rare Monk. These dudes don't start gradually or try to act sexy to get your blood pumping, they just put shit in their mouth and here I am singing...

What the fuck is happening to me? I intentionally wanted to hate this shit because the pitch email used the word "hooky" and I wanted to STAB THAT FUCKING WORD IN THE GUNT. Then Party Nails starts in with the 80s sass, all sittin on her bed kickin her white ankle bobby socks listening to her own jams on a pastel pink boombox.  AH FUCK, I'M SNAPPING AND MY ELBOWS ARE CONNECTED TO MY TORSO AND I'M MICHAEL STIPE-ING FROM THAT ONE R.E.M. VIDEO AND I'M EMBARASSED FOR YOU HAVING TO SEE THIS. AH FUCK. AND THAT GUITAR LICK, HOLY HOOKY. Shit. Shit I said it. I, I, I, I need you to leave. LEAVE. JUST LEAVE. LEAVE ME ALONE WITH "No Pressure", I'm fucking smitten, turned on, and damnit, you shouldn't see me like this. 

Did you send me this? Where did I get this? I came into work this morning and the soundcloud page was open and I don't remember anyone sending me this, I can't find any hits in my gmail when I search for Brass Bed or "I Am Just a Whisper", I don't follow either the band or the label on any social media thing. Where the fuck did this come from? That blasted Obama must've sent this to my workstation overnight. Thanks Obama! Imagine the reverby and dull, yet shiny reverberations of a Cure song, but without the whispy hair or desire to punch the singer. Then imagine my beloved Solid Gold, with their gentle yet plodding rhythms. Now put those two things together, add about 15 to the bpm, turn the tone knob down 35%, and slam your chin into your chest repeatedly. THIS...

I love songs that immediately make me feel like I'm being chased. Not that I actually enjoy being pursued, unless it's by all the paparazzi when I'm trying to get my kids into the car for school (I'm pretty popular in rural areas (I'm also lying)). But shit, Elephant Stone have crafted such a beautifully and oddly classical and intense chase-scene-tastic vibe with "The Devil's Shelter" that I'm now curious as to how the rest of their sound shapes up. I mean, after three listens I'm hearing so many fucking layers to this shit besides what's up front.  The sitar in the background takes the level of apprehension and douses it with this almost magical sheen, and those fucking strings, holy jesus balls on a holey ball of jesuses (jesusi?) this is a James Bond movie...

TOPS put out one of my favorite songs last year, a track called 'Outside'.  Fuck, this song held me close to its breast and wouldn't let me go. Listening to the warm wave of sensh synth is like being buried in your comforter in the morning and not wanting to get up because it's fall and you accidentally left the windows open again.  I never ended up checking out their full LP, but just saw that they dropped a new single called 'Hollow Sounds Of The Morning Chimes'.  AND they got me again. TOPS pulled me back in.  This track is thick and dreary, and has a sultry chiming guitar. It almost sounds like Real Estate is playing inside of Joel's steamy pants when he's watching a video on the mating habits of the Carniolan Honey Bees. SO HUMID. And the song just...

If you know me, you know that after Matt and Kim I've written off synth pop duos for LIFE!  But then Child Actor. Holy shit is Max Heath is a synth god. His electro-sonic wave machine just fucking made me dance like premenopausal, middle-aged woman in the rain of her sexual reawakening.  I don't know if this was appropriate considering "El 7 De Septiembre (Mecano Cover)" is dedicated to Venezuela. But bros it's all in Español, so I just hugged myself hard, and swayed like you sway when you just need to sway the day away.  Singer Natalie Plaza lends a sweetness to the track. It's what made me smile as I hugged myself while I swayed rather than the normal way I do that.  I loved Child...

Three thoughts: 1. People who type liKE thIS are fucking aSShOleS. (EDIT: WHY AM I SAYING THIS? Because Elle Belle, before we published this, had his named spelled like eLLe beLLe and I wanted to fucking stab him for being l33t AND for not considering his environment when printing this document, but then this adorable chiseled calved asshole gets all studious and changes it to a much more respectable Elle Belle. See internet? That's how you change the world. Put your genitals on the internet and all of a sudden you've got pull in the music industry.) 2. This is Arcade Fire-y but with snapping fingers and being played at the end of The Breakfast Club, as opposed to being played unironically inside a cafe in Brooklyn.  3. I love it but hate...

This song is like going to a Halloween party and you decide to dress up as a cat. And then when you get there everybody else is dressed like a cat too. As everybody starts to take LSD the inner cat comes out and people start rubbing up against corners and doing that figure eight weaving around each other's legs.  Then you wake up in the morning because you fell off the arm of your friend's couch.  Hey Tiger Waves, CAN I DIRECT THE VIDEO FOR THIS SONG?