Soundcloud

What. The. Fuck? I'm obsssed with this song. Who are you FERN? Why do you have one song on Soundcloud and a Facebook account with little to no information? 'It Comes Slow' is a dichatomy of opposing forces. It's sweet and soothing, but intense as fuck. It just builds and builds to the point you are like: 'Why am I crying while doing burpees in my foyer?"  I want more songs like this in my life. I want each one of my senses to experience it in some form or another. I love you FERN and I don't even know you. 

IMPORTANT NOTE: Somehow the embed code we used says the track is "private", yet it's public (SEE, CLICK HERE), but I found a live performance of this song, and it's at the bottom of the page. SO SCROLL BRO SCROLL! The first time I heard Boom Forest was on a tour video from PHOX or something. I wasn't really paying attention to what was on the video because I was stuck holding my chest with both my hands over my heart while my head was slumped on top of my desk. It was fucking excruciatingly beautiful. I immediately emailed PHOX and said "WHO IS SINGING THAT SONG AT (insert time stamp on video) THAT HAS ME WEEPY AS FUCK?". They wrote back and said only "Boom Forest". I spent the next three hours listening to his bandcamp page and telling myself I was never...

I LOVE THAT I DON'T KNOW WHO ANYONE IS ANYMORE! I mean, fer serious, who the fuck is Sympathetic Frequencies?  OH YOU MEAN THE BAND I HAVE TO SPELL SIX TIMES TO GET RIGHT? I'd like to officially state that I've shortened their 8 years long band name and will from here on out only refer to them as Sympcies. Sympcies is probably the most fucking adorable band name you're going to want to tattoo on your left forearm bro. And if you DO get that tattooed, well, you're the super fucking Sympcies fan we've been looking for. OH SYMPCIES? They're the titties right? The new single "Wake Up" is a perfect example of a wide open sound bros; it's like Apollo Run and RIBS and The 1975, but with super tight long...

I don't know shit about UK garage or 2 step. I don't know shit about Raphaella or Zed Bias. I don't even know if what I do equates to actual dancing. But I know I've listened to this "Dropping Like Flies" shit for about a half hour and I'm about to get fucking naked and toss lunch meat up in the air, hoping it lands on a belly or a thigh. Whether it's my belly or my thigh is up in the air (LIKE DAT MEAT BRUH). Is all music from over there this fucking bouncey balls? Jesus balls on a bucket of beef brine this is fucking awesome. If this is what everything sounds like where Raphaella or Zed Bias live, I think I deserve a vacation so I can toss ALL my meat up in the air bros. Damn.

Sometimes the urge hits to write about a song or an artist or an album RIGHT AWAY! Other times a little marinating is in order.  I was going through our submissions, tagging bands or songs or videos that I might just get up the energy to write about. I also save links to shit that I come across while browsing the internet and using social media. Every now and then a lazy Sunday comes along and I have a few minutes to go back and listen and fuck with people who I might not normally fuck with, or revisit what I've saved, if only to question my own sanity.  Today is one of those days.  I found living in the bottom of my saved links a little Soundcloud entry called "Let Go" from certified Syffal homie and CLDMKRS adorable straight-man, Kid Presentable...

I'm not in the mood for new music. Fuck new music. Fuck all these asshole bands writing 7,000 word bios that say nothing about what they actually sound like but take the long way to arrive at their own description of what they WANT to sound like. Fuck all these gofundme kickstarting assholes assuming anyone cares enough about complete strangers "getting into the studio" or pre-paying for a "vinyl reissue" of an EP that was released four years ago and no one ever bought it back then but because it's "on vinyl" all of a sudden it has value. Fuck your ideas, fuck your half assed follow through, fuck your photoshoots before having actual music people enjoy. I'm sick of new music right now. I'm sick of everything. And who the fuck is Gregory Uhlmann and why the fuck is he...

Whoever the fuck Twin Limb is, I'm, for lack of a better word, engulfed by this fucking song "Don't Even Think". Aptly titled, I don't think I had one coherent thought the entire first three times through this fucking song. Combining the throats of Monica Martin from PHOX and maybe a completely fucking stoned Florence from Florence + The Machine, Twin Limb creates a nearly 6 minute romp through the pillowy confines of my imagination. Instead of everyone wearing bedshirts, we're all gowned in marshmallows and cardboard cutouts of clouds, it's all very Rocky Horror without the visage of Tim Curry's teeth floating around behind you.  Gorgeous might not hold enough oomph to describe this fucking song, but it'll have to do because I'm limp, listless...

I was once considered a member of Stone Cold Fox. But something happened that one fateful night, and all I really remember is waking up the following morning with a bowl of canned Dole pineapples on my naked chest and a single tic tac resting on my urethra.  But that... That was a long time ago. ANYWHOOOOOO I love how on the new jam "Contagion", Stone Cold Fox sounds like a vulnerable Queens of the Stone Age playing Arctic Monkeys for a Halloween party. The fact that they keep changing their finishing move means I get to re-introduce myself to these assholes every time they drop something fresh. Stone Cold Fox might have just convinced me to consider tightening my jeans and investing in that horizontally striped henly I've been...

Normally artists with only two available singles still have a shitload of work to do before their music gets talked about on the internets. Either they put in the fucking work or they're somebody's cousin or sibling and people are sucking them off because they want the cousin or sibling to notice them. Thankfully, no one cares about our opinions besides each other (and there's only four of us contributing now, so our circle jerk sessions mean we can see into each other's eyes the reflection of ourselves masturbating), because I was just shut the fuck up by the song "Memories" from Andrea Silva. With a whisper-sing sung over a silently lofi'd yet shimmering hifi beat, Silva takes the elegant and makes it somehow pulse. I love how the rhythm is...

AUDEGO feel like friends to me. Every single time I receive an email from these fuckers I'm reminded of how much I love their loose-kneed whisper pleading and electro-thwap pop shits.  Their latest single "Side Effects" takes that aforementioned 'loose-kneed whisper pleading over electro-thwap pop shits' and gives it a little peek up the skirt. With as bare as this track seems, it's amazing how the vocals alone and then stacked form the tick-tick-tick-swirls into something resembling a foundation. At the 2:30 mark I've leapt out of my jorts and continued with the juke vogue I've been performing in my mind and inspired a new generation of white people with as much fucking style as me bros. If you don't love this band as much as I do, you've been trying too hard to...