Soundcloud

Just click play and go back about ya bidness. Was it sunny a second ago and now everything's fucking bleak and erotic as fuck? HERE TOO BRO! WEIRD! Whoever the fuck BATTS are, they're that special column in the electronic music genre that holds all the "I'd listen to this while drowning or going down on my loved one" one could ever invent. Once she takes her voice out of the comfortable and up a bit, you can hear that slight scratch of her throat, and oh god. OH GOD THAT SHIT'S JUST SEXY AS HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. Someone make these assholes make more music, because this shit is exactly what we needed in the bedroom. Sultry yet completely lacking anything corny? Impossible. But totally fucking appreciated. "For That, I'm Sorry" is sexy...

Cash+David bug the fuck out of me.  I love the fuck out of them. But Cash+David bug the fuck out of me.  HOW'S ABOUT YOU DROP AN ALBUM OR AN EP BROS!?!?!?!? Every single fucking single they send out into the ocean of the internet somehow attaches itself to my undercarriage and I carry it under my carriage for weeks. I hum their shit. I imagine myself dancing to myself humming their shit. I dance to my humming of their shit.  BUT I WANT MORE THAN JUST ONE SONG! I WANT A COLLECTION OF THEM! I WANT AN EP. I WANT AN LP! I WANT A PP DAMNIT! I find every Cash+David track emotionally and aurally pleasing and "Pains 4 U" is no exception, although this feels a bit more Miley Cyrus than I was expecting. And that's no diss, I fucking love me some Miley bros...

How in a city of tens of millions of mother fuckers do I keep finding you guys? Who, you ask? In a city where Donald Trump would have trouble putting a dollar bill in each man's hand, I keep finding kindred spirits, those men of the same cloth! And by cloth I mostly mean T-shirts from Instagram famous marijuana brands. Thanks bros! Can't wear those shirts around any one I know or love, but GLO!  I digress like I digest. Disgustingly.  Toss my salad and melt my pot, brojangles, but how the fuck can the circles be this concentric? AsimOff, is part quality emcee, as evidenced by this here Soundclouder, part rap dad, part co-proprietor of the cutty studio/afterhours, Shambhala, and ALL FUCKING PIRATE!  That last part seals the fucking deal, yo!  I keep meeting people like...

I fucking love Juan Deuce. Every time dude opens his front face hole a party spills out and I'm all ignoring the fact I can smell myself in this late 80's Celtics jersey and these Adidas chanclas.  Juan Deuce makes every day Saturday at 5pm. The night's in front of you, you ain't gotta work tomorrow, and you have more than five bucks to spend on tamales once the clock strikes Sunday. That's a fucking Juan Deuce right there bruh. This new track "El Oh Vee E" (broduced by the bro J57 (the J stands for Kassandra!) has the horns to make your morns bro, and if there was ever a song that sounded hopeful about being without a woman, this might just very well be the fucking jam. I'm looking forward to the new ...

...an excerpt from Tom's music diary: 35 seconds into this track by Zoo I could feel the chorus coming after crescendoing plea for 'Bobby': "Bobby, BOBBY, BOBBEEEEEEEY." *Zach Morris Timeout* This is the moment that this song will either fall flat on its face or blow back the trail to my treasure. From what I heard in the first 35 seconds I just know that there will be no in-between.  I read on Zoo's press release that his shit was like a marrying of St. Vincent and Youth Lagoon - quirky and experimental....as fearless as it was pants-buldgeable - it'd make you denounce your almighty savior, join a commune in Iowa and build teepees out of giant asparagai spears.  I just need a second to relish in my moment of Zach Morris...

"I wanna ruin love for you..."  That's fucking awesome. BUT THEN THERE'S THIS SNL TYPE SAX SHIT HAPPENING AND I HAVE TO START THE SONG OVER... Whoever the hell Bent Squares is, the dude just got my attention and I've been listening to this fucking Ben T. Squarez EP all morning. I'm so popped up on Bent Squares pop shit I'm bound to gaily skip around the office as opposed to generic, bitch ass walking and shit. I'm not sure I fully understand the angle Bent Squares is anglin' from, but this shit has me happy balls. With a vocal that's both adorably shrill and oddly sentimental, I'm finding dude's instrumentation is the perfect complement to them pipes bro. It's like Bruno Mars meets Weezer meets those episodes of Saved By...

I saw Linafornia blow the fucking stage up! She was all whipping hair and head bangs. She was a whirring goddess of emotion, deep and soulful, jazzy fingers banging drum buttons with a purpose of a master maestra instructing us dummies on WHAT THE FUCK IS UP!... and then pause. Then slam back in that way only a true beatsmith on some teach shit knows how. Her set made me want to vibrate out myself and leave my pale skin sac in a crumbled mess on the bar's sticky floor while my spirit soared.  GIVE ME MORE!  Linafornia is from LA, the mecca of Leimert Park to be more precise. I feel like I owe it to her to be precise, because precision is Linafornia's forte. She's prodigiously making her way to the tip top of beat peeps with Beat Cinema,...

Sometimes I shimmy. Normally my shimmying is quite energetic. People get out of the way when they see bro shimmying all energentically bro. But when the bro Jimerlis sent over the new new from whoeverthefuckfuck Future Elevators are, BRO, MY SHIMMIES, THEY WENT ALL SLOWBRO.  "Modern World" sounds like I just made us martinis bro. I'm crossing the threshold from the wetbar area of my bachelor pad onto the patio and I'm wearing a kimono my friend Bruce Bruce bought for me on his travels while he was abroad in French Lick. Indiana. Not only is this martini sporting a deliciously ripe blue cheese stuffed olive, I tossed in a spurtzle of fennel and a dash of black pepper. YOUR TASTE BOODS, THEY BELONGS TO MOI! WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN? IT MEANS THIS FUCKING SONG IS...

In case you need some updating, Diane Coffee is Shaun Flemming and Shaun Flemming is also the drummer in Foxygen. And as I'm fact checking my info on Wikipedia I'm learning that he was also a former Disney voice actor (Kim Possible) and a didgeridoo crafter????? I'd normally call bullshit on those tidbits, but it's Wikipedia and Wikipedia is the ultimate authority on facts.  Anyhoo, I wrote about Diane Coffee a couple of years ago because his song "Green" made my grundle as moist as an under-baked cookie dipped in milk...it was so doo-woppy and strange and retro. Even when I hear that song today I still get full of the swoonz and need to drop a Dramamine.  This may explain the overwhelming joy I felt this...

This is exactly what I needed to hear on repeat today. Nothing musically jarring, but completely fucking socially stabbing; Guante and Katrah-Quey are calmly delivering the message so many fucking people who I share a skin color with need to hear, repeatedly.  Dear musicians of 2015: Please keep this sort of delivery in your arsenal. Not only is it slow enough for the non-rap fans to process, it's non-confrontational while putting the fucking mirror up, and while I'd love to incite some confrontation with a few people I share bloodlines with, this method of dialogue seems the least likely to cause white people to cry and run away.Thank you Guante for doing this, like this, because this is more than needed.  Play this for your inlaws. Here...