Videos

In The Whale is my favorite duo in both rock n roll and interpretive dance. There. I said it. Their live shows are so fucking incredible I can't help but talk with my hands when describing how they make me feel performing in front of my face. But one thing I've come to love is how their recorded albums sound so huge within the confines of recorded music. "Galaxie" is no exception, but a great example of how you hear something once and then KNOW it'll fucking murder on stage. Jesus balls on a baby powder off white sarong worn in a gusty rainstorm by a 37 year old white male with cheeto dust on his fingers and canned pineapple in his loins, this band fucking kills me and I have decided to adopt it, bring it home, bathe it, and then encourage it to continue melting my fucking...

So let's take score right quick: 1. Dude is the coolest motherfucker on the screen righ meow. 2. Dude just fucking pukes words. 3. Dude used "library books" in a rap track.  4. That mask should be pulled up over the nose because the nasal cavities are the fifth most susceptible pathway for bodily infection after the eyes, mouth, ears, and anus. (I made that up) 5. HOLY SHIT AT 2:52 I JUST FLIPPED MY DESK CHAIR BACK AND THREW MY FISTS INTO THE AIR IN FRONT OF ME. 6. This fucking song is three fucking different songs and each one is crazier than the last.  7. EVERY WIZARD GOT A TRICK UP HIS SLEEVE, DON'T BE NAIVE  8. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 9. I just submitted my application for adoption from Onry. I'll let ya'll know what happens.  Onry Ozzborn straight up break dances over the...

That floofy synth KILLLLLLED ME. FUUUUUUUCK. Then her vocal comes in and I'm on the floor writhing in the most comfortable beat of the fucking day. Whoever Bernache is, the meter on "Your Name" is fucking disgustingly peaceful.  I love how perfectly disjointed this whole thing feels, but yet how innocently sweet it appears in the video. I WELCOME BERNACHE INTO MY LIST OF THINGS TO OBSESS OVER IN 2017.

Sankofa kills this. Dude's voice is solid balllllllls righ meow. Damn. This beat that reminds me of why I first became obsessed with hip hop in grade school. That simple eerie plucked out guitar sample on top of a simple yet perfect drum kit is delicious, but the live guitar splashes throughout this song tie the whole room together. Those hypnotic and random crash cymbals make the distorted guitar strums under the reverby guitar licks pop brilliantly. Pretty sure I'm obsessed with this track. "Crimson Feather" is probably my favorite Sankofa track to date.

I fucking dig this song. I have no idea what's being sung for the most part, but I can tell the shit's sexy as fuck based solely on the looks on everyone's faces. Also, the fact that a French electro track has the cadence of a Chicago rap track is amazing.  I must've listened to this track a dozen times already today and it feels tighter and tighter each time. As the song gets closer and closer to the end, with the emotion picking up a bit, you'd expect the drums to slap harder and the tempo to pick up, but the resistance to that makes this cliff hanger of a track fucking perrrrrrrrrrrrfect. Whoever the hell Final State are, they murder this. 

I've gone through over 100 music submissions this morning. Torture would be putting it nicely. But then Skipp Whitman pops his head in. "Downtown" sounds exactly like a Sunday morning should. This fucking beat is comfy as fuck. Dude's flow reminds me of high school where it didn't matter where I was, all I needed was a soundtrack at this specific meter. I fucking love it when something sounds this sweatpants when I'm in my sweatpants. And remember kids, it's only gentrification if you're paying attention!

I need a brain-cation.  The brain needs to chill.  Just like everyone else, everything seems so fucking seedy lately. I can't trust shit anyone says, besides what my wife says in her sleep. Like the other night when all she said was "two tacos" in between garbled mumblings and the sharp intake of breath while snoring.  She knows me so well. Two tacos is so much better than one tacos bros.  BUT FENNEC THO. Fennec just emailed me this fucking track from the latest album, titled One Night Could Change Your Life, and all I can do is hump these tiny Dell computer speakers on my desk. Holy fucking yeaaaaaaaaaaaa. This reminds me of just turning 17 and obsessing over map point locations for underground parties in Chicago that I had no business attending. But holy fuck I remember...

Normally I don't post "teasers" or "trailers" or things that have letters for numbers in the titles. The last two months have been complete shitshows as far as just how everything has panned out since cheeto fucker arrived, and nothing seems worth getting excited over. THEN I SEE THE TRAILER FOR THE NEW ONRY OZZBORN ALBUM. AND I SHAT. Sure, it's titled + h 3 B1RTH of c v p ii d, but I don't care, because something about the dread this beat causes me makes me want to punch a nun in the gunt. Onry has always been one of my favorite rappers. Whether he's solo, in the Skul of Grey, or inside Dark Time Sunshine, his delivery and quiet demeanor just fucking inspire me. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Onry Ozzborn is the rapper I strive to be on the inside, while being the...

SOMETIMES I JUST WANNA PLAY RHYTHM AIR GUITAR AND SQUEEZE MY BUTT CHEEKS UNTIL I ACHIEVE AN ERECTION FROM THE PRESSURE. ANYONE ELSE? WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Warbly Jets sound like the band I'm in in my imagination, and because they sound a wee bit British it makes me EVEN COOLER BRUV!  Not sure where these fuckers are from, and I really don't care, because I'm too busy playing the aforementioned rhythm air guitar, and I'm really fucking good at it so I'm going to get back to strummin, k? K!

I have no idea what I'm watching.  I have no idea why I've watched it three times in immediate succession and I've already burned the bass line into my psyche as being a perfect reminder that I need to watch Real Genius again asap. Joakim's "Numb" reminds me that just because I don't understand something doesn't mean I don't enjoy the fuck out of it. I don't know what to call this brand of electro, but I've pulled my socks all the way up and I'm waddling around the office a bit.  How does something so calming make me feel so fucking cool though? This is like Miami Vice on ludes while masturbating to a VHS workout video where the ladies wear them thick leg warmers and have somehow escaped the possibility of showing a camel toe even though there is every reason why there should be...